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Some like to tour around the world in early stages of life, while others prefer to get old enough to travel around the world. Which one would you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your claim.

Some like to tour around the world in early stages of life, while others prefer to get old enough to travel around the world. Which one would you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your claim. wBmDN
Traveling is often regarded as a common hobby that a lot of people are willing to spend a fortune to take a big journey around the world. Some people begin their tours in their early age, while some would rather postpone and explore the world when they are old enough. Personally, I prefer waiting for appropriate time until I reach my thirties to start traveling. I feel this way because of two reasons, which I will expound in the following essay. To begin with, while people claim that younger age is the best fit for adventure, I think young age is the time for working and making contribution rather than abandoning their responsibilities and traveling. Young adults are full of energy, knowledge and aspiration; their fresh mind and flexibility could fit every job. This is when they should focus on their career, to learn from their precedents’ mistakes, improve working skills, and gain as much working experience as possible. The world evolves around young adults. They are to make vital decisions that affect community deeply. Look at the protest that is happening right now in Hong Kong: the participants are mostly young adults because they are the spirit of the country. Had they thought about traveling and enjoying life too soon, they would not reach their dream goal and fulfill what society expect them to do. Due to their major responsibilities to the community, the family, and even themselves, I believe that vacation and traveling could wait until their contribution is significant. On the other hand, traveling around the world when I have grown a little older is more interesting, because I then would have gained enough of insights to experience and contemplate the world. It is true that traveling opens one’s view to the world, but only in the condition that they open their heart to welcome anew. Setting off too soon will not benefit ones if their eyes are closed and their minds are narrow, which is especially true to arrogant teenagers. Growing older means that my largess is ready for new experiences and new cultures. For example, older people appreciate nature’s value, hardly litter, or get incensed upon trifles, so it is easier to build a strong connection and benefit from traveling. Regarding of more compassion, more care and warmth than frivolous teenagers, I believe traveling at older age can create the stronger bond between us and the world, which makes the tour memorable. In conclusion, I prefer postponing my world tour until later. This is because I would like to accomplish my role to the society, and because I would benefit more from traveling the world when I get older.
Traveling is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
regarded as a common hobby that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to spend a fortune to take a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
journey around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
their tours in their early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
would
rather
postpone and explore the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
when they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.
Personally
, I prefer waiting for appropriate time until I reach my thirties to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
traveling. I feel this way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two reasons, which I will expound in the following essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is the best fit for adventure, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is the time for working and making contribution
rather
than abandoning their responsibilities and traveling.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
adults are full of energy, knowledge and aspiration; their fresh mind and flexibility could fit every job. This is when they should focus on their career, to learn from their precedents’ mistakes,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and gain as much working experience as possible. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
evolves around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults. They are to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
vital decisions that affect community
deeply
. Look at the protest
that is
happening right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in Hong Kong: the participants are
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are the spirit of the country. Had they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
about traveling and enjoying life too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
, they would not reach their dream goal and fulfill what society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
them to do. Due to their major responsibilities to the community, the family, and even themselves, I believe that vacation and traveling could wait until their contribution is significant.

On the other hand
, traveling around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
when I have grown a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
is more interesting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I then would have gained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
of insights to experience and contemplate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. It is true that traveling opens one’s view to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the condition that they open their heart to welcome anew. Setting off too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
will not benefit
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
if their eyes
are closed
and their minds are narrow, which is
especially
true to arrogant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. Growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
means that my largess is ready for new experiences and new cultures.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
appreciate nature’s value, hardly litter, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
incensed upon trifles,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is easier to build a strong connection and benefit from traveling. Regarding of more compassion, more care and warmth than frivolous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, I believe traveling at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
can create the stronger bond between us and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the tour memorable.

In conclusion
, I prefer postponing my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
tour until later. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I would like to accomplish my role to the society, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I would benefit more from traveling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
.
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IELTS essay Some like to tour around the world in early stages of life, while others prefer to get old enough to travel around the world. Which one would you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your claim.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
444 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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