Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing."During the past year, Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than at the nearby Panoply Industries plant, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than

The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing. " During the past year, Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than at the nearby Panoply Industries plant, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than 0AaNn
The author of the argument – a vice president of manufacturing enterprise – suggests decreasing working hours per shift for the employees in order to increase productivity presumably compromised by on-the-job accidents. Though the intentions sound commendable, the argument rests on the plethora of flawed assumptions and remains open to contestation among reasonable people. To begin with, the arguer implies that on-the job incidents are caused by fatigue and lack of sleep predominantly. He extrapolates this assumption not only at workers of his plant but at workers of the neighboring plant which he uses as a benchmark. In fact, true reason of on-the-job accidents may root at multitude of various factors starting from safety norms adopted at the place of work, how accurately those norms are followed and stretching to consistency of deleterious factors and promptness of administration’s response to these factors. The argument would benefit a lot in event the author presents results of thorought examination of root causes of registered accidents to prove that true trigger is fatigue rather than other possible reasons. On top of tiredness as a cause of accident, one would want to know whether sleep deprivation persists among workers on regular basis. Though fatigue might have caused majority of accidents at work, that does not mean that other workers who rested well before shift need that extra hour to avoid incidents. It is vital to know that worker who experienced accidents planned and exercised their right for appropriate rest rather than spent all the night time in booze. In this case other measure than reducing working hours are required. For example, to conduct alertness test before the shift. Otherwise, workers who do rest well and want to earn commensurately to their abilities will unfairly suffer because of few weeds in the flock and, very possibly, will start looking for a new working place that will pay adequately. Finally, vice president’s uncritical interpretation of numbers is fraught with fallacy and sets wrong benchmark. First, the fact, that neighboring plant has 30% less accidents means nothing meaningful when taken out of context. If number of employees at the nearby plant is twice less than that number of the plant in question, then percent of incident per 100 workers is higher at Panoply Industries plant and is more suitable coefficient for comparison. Second, we don’t know what Panoply Industries qualify as an accident. May be, if a worker was hit but did not bleed or bruise immediately, that does not admit as on-the-job accident at one plant but does at the other. Third, we want to know that all qualified accidents are registered willfully at both plants. For example, Panoply Industries might have an incentive for absence of on-the-job accidents and thus, employees are reluctant at registration of benign from their point of view incidents. As a result, even rightfully chosen coefficients might be distorted. In conclusion, vice president’s intention to improve life of his workers is laudable but to take proposed measures based on suggested information is precipitous. Only in case we know that fatigue is a true and justifiable reason of accidents and scrupulous examination of possible benchmark is conducted, the proposal can be taken into consideration.
The author of the argument
a vice president of manufacturing enterprise
suggests decreasing working hours per shift for the employees in order to increase productivity presumably compromised by on-the-job
accidents
. Though the intentions sound commendable, the argument rests on the plethora of flawed assumptions and remains open to contestation among reasonable
people
.

To
begin
with, the arguer implies that on-the job
incidents
are caused
by
fatigue
and lack of sleep
predominantly
. He extrapolates this assumption not
only
at
workers
of his
plant
but
at
workers
of the neighboring
plant
which he
uses
as a benchmark. In fact, true reason of on-the-job
accidents
may root at multitude of various factors starting from safety norms adopted at the place of work, how
accurately
those norms
are followed
and stretching to consistency of deleterious factors and promptness of administration’s response to these factors. The argument would benefit a lot in
event
the author presents results of
thorought
examination of root causes of registered
accidents
to prove that true trigger is
fatigue
rather
than
other
possible reasons.

On top of tiredness as a cause of
accident
, one would want to
know
whether sleep deprivation persists among
workers
on regular basis. Though
fatigue
might have caused
majority of
accidents
at work, that does not mean that
other
workers
who rested well
before
shift need that extra hour to avoid
incidents
. It is vital to
know
that
worker
who experienced
accidents
planned and exercised their right for appropriate rest
rather
than spent all the
night time
in booze.
In this case
other
measure than reducing working hours
are required
.
For example
, to conduct alertness
test
before
the shift.
Otherwise
,
workers
who do rest well and want to earn
commensurately
to their abilities will
unfairly
suffer
because
of few weeds in the flock and,
very
possibly
, will
start
looking for a new working place that will pay
adequately
.

Finally
, vice president’s uncritical interpretation of numbers is fraught with fallacy and sets
wrong
benchmark.
First
, the fact, that neighboring
plant
has 30% less
accidents
means nothing meaningful when taken out of context. If number of employees at the nearby
plant
is twice less than that number of the
plant
in question, then percent of
incident
per 100
workers
is higher at Panoply Industries
plant
and is more suitable coefficient for comparison. Second, we don’t
know
what Panoply Industries qualify as an
accident
. May be, if a
worker
was hit
but
did not bleed or bruise immediately, that does not admit as on-the-job
accident
at one
plant
but
does at the
other
. Third, we want to
know
that all qualified
accidents
are registered
willfully
at both
plants
.
For example
, Panoply Industries might have an incentive for absence of on-the-job
accidents
and
thus
, employees are reluctant at registration of benign from their point of view
incidents
.
As a result
, even
rightfully
chosen coefficients might
be distorted
.

In conclusion
, vice president’s intention to
improve
life of his
workers
is laudable
but
to take proposed measures based on suggested information is precipitous.
Only
in case we
know
that
fatigue
is a true and justifiable reason of
accidents
and scrupulous examination of possible benchmark
is conducted
, the proposal can
be taken
into consideration.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing. " During the past year, Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than at the nearby Panoply Industries plant, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
532 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic: