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The British National Health Service should focus equally on mental and physical health.

The British National Health Service should focus equally on mental and physical health. xDXJb
First point to consider is that a majority of people think of mental and physical health as separate. However, the latest researches show that mental and physical health are inseparable whole on the contrary common belief (Mental Health Foundation, 2021). Firstly, a closer examination of people living with mental illnesses such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and even anxiety disorders shows that they are more tend to have physical health problems, in particular cardiovascular disease, and a shorter lifespan expectancy than normally (Doherty & Gaughran, 2014). Furthermore, according to an article published by the Canadian Mental Health Association (2008), Depressive females are 80% more inclined to experience heart disease than mentally healthy females in Canada. In addition that, they demonstrated how mood disorder rates in volunteers with and without chronic physical conditions. This research showed that the mood disorder of diabetic patients was 9. 3%, heart disease was 9. 8%, cancer was 10. 1%, arthritis/rheumatism was 10. 9%, and asthma was 11. 4% higher. This rate was calculated as only 2. 8% for those without a chronic condition. It is obvious from these ratios that there is an interlinked between mental and physical health? Regular exercise can provide a means of primary prevention in psychologically healthy individuals by acting to protect positive mental health, and recent evidence indicates that exercise provides therapeutic advantages in clinically depressed or anxious patients (Raglin, 1990).
First
point to consider is that a majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
as separate.
However
, the latest researches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
are inseparable whole
on the contrary
common belief
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(Mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Foundation, 2021).
Firstly
, a closer examination of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
illnesses such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and even anxiety disorders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that they are more tend to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems,
in particular
cardiovascular disease, and a shorter lifespan expectancy than
normally
(Doherty &
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gaughran
, 2014).
Furthermore
, according to an article published by the Canadian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Association (2008), Depressive females are 80% more inclined to experience heart disease than mentally healthy females in Canada. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
that, they demonstrated how mood disorder rates in volunteers with and without chronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
conditions. This research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the mood disorder of diabetic patients was 9. 3%, heart disease was 9. 8%, cancer was 10. 1%, arthritis/rheumatism was 10. 9%, and asthma was 11. 4% higher. This rate
was calculated
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2. 8% for those without a chronic condition. It is obvious from these ratios that there is an interlinked between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
? Regular exercise can provide a means of primary prevention in
psychologically
healthy individuals by acting to protect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, and recent evidence indicates that exercise provides therapeutic advantages in
clinically
depressed or anxious patients (
Possible spelling mistake found.
Raglin
, 1990).
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IELTS essay The British National Health Service should focus equally on mental and physical health.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
231 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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