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The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030, it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over.

The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030, it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. mRb1
Many developed countries have been seeing a continuous decrease in their birth rate and an increase in older population. As such, it is predicted that by 2030, over one third of the human population will be aged 65 years and over in the next 50 years. This essay will tackle the disturbing effects of the aging population, as well as the solutions that can be done to address this situation. The growth of human population has been vital in the progress of the world's economy, particularly the contribution of younger generation. However, nations like Australia, Canada, and USA have been facing a decline in birth rates due to the career-oriented mindset of young professionals where their jobs are more important that raising a family. Hence, this can have a damaging effect to the society. Firstly, studies have shown that in the next years, majority of the baby boomer generation will retire from the workplace. As a result, there will be shortages in human resource to fill in jobs that are left by older generation. Secondly, aging population will mean an increase in homecare for older people. This will lead to higher demand in health care facilities and health professionals such as nurses and caregivers. Lastly, a decrease in birth rate means an increase in mortality rates which is not ideal for any countries who want their economy to continuously grow. This problem can be dealt with through possible solutions such as financial assistance by the government that will be provided to young parents, as well as to single parents, as a support in raising their children and encouraging parents to have larger families. In addition, developed countries can also implement an open immigration policy to foreign citizens who wished to migrate to first world countries to give better future for their family. For example, countries like Canada and Australia are inviting other foreign talents to migrate in their countries and offer them permanent residency together with their families. Citizens aged 65 years and over will dominate the population by the year 2030, and will continue to do so for the next 50 years. Progressive countries must start to address the aging population issue through many policies that can help curve the fall of birth rates in the coming years.   Otherwise, if this will not be taken seriously, the effect of this will have to toll in the society, especially for the younger generation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have been seeing a continuous decrease in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
and an increase in older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. As such, it
is predicted
that by 2030, over one third of the human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
will
be aged
65 years and over in the
next
50 years. This essay will tackle the disturbing effects of the aging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
,
as well
as the solutions that can
be done
to address this situation. The growth of human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
has been vital in the progress of the world's economy,
particularly
the contribution of younger generation.
However
, nations like Australia, Canada, and USA have been facing a decline in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
due to the career-oriented mindset of young professionals where their jobs are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that raising a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Hence
, this can have a damaging effect to the society.
Firstly
, studies have shown that in the
next
years,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the baby boomer generation will retire from the workplace.
As a result
, there will be shortages in human resource to fill in jobs that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
by older generation.
Secondly
, aging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
will mean an increase in
Possible spelling mistake found.
homecare
for older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This will lead to higher demand in health care facilities and health professionals such as nurses and caregivers.
Lastly
, a decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
means an increase in mortality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
which is not ideal for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who want their economy to
continuously
grow. This problem can
be dealt
with through possible solutions such as financial assistance by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
that will
be provided
to young parents,
as well
as to single parents, as a support in raising their children and encouraging parents to have larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
In addition
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
also
implement an open immigration policy to foreign citizens who wished to migrate to
first
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to give better future for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Canada and Australia are inviting other foreign talents to migrate in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and offer them permanent residency together with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. Citizens aged 65 years and over will dominate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2030, and will continue to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
for the
next
50 years. Progressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to address the aging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
issue through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
policies that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
curve the fall of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
in the coming years.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Otherwise
, if this will not
be taken
seriously
, the effect of this will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
toll in the society,
especially
for the younger generation.
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IELTS essay The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030, it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
404 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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