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The best way to achieve happiness is to make other people happy

The best way to achieve happiness is to make other people happy g51M3
Every person wants happiness in their life. Some people help or do something for someone's for happiness. However, other people find other ways to get happiness. From my vantage point, I am jubilant when I do something good for my close ones and helpless people. I get happiness from this way because in my life happiness come from my family, friends and blessing of who I helped them. First of all, every person love their family and pals because of the person share not only emotion and feeling but also sharing life event. Parents, friend and siblings who people stand with the person in better and worse situation, therefore happiness of person life connected with close ones. My own experience compelling example of this, I love, care, and concern to my best friend. Most time I spend with him and enjoying every moment of life. One year ago, his father passed away, he was sorrow about his father. One month after his birthday came, he not happy because he missed his father. Since his not happy, I also feel bad. I made cake for him as like his father was every birthday makes cake. I not prevent his whole sadness but somewhat he feel good and celebrated his birthday. He was happy, and then I was also happy for him. Accordingly, my happiness accompanied with my close ones. Secondly, I feel good when I help to helpless people. For example, every New Year, I give blankets, cloths, and foods in orphan age and needy people. They give me huge blessing which is fill my life full of satisfaction, love, and happiness. If, they eat food and wear cloths each time they gives blessing and miss me. However, some people claims that happiness not connected with other life because in modern life nobody thinks to other people. Still, I firm with my idea, since person cannot enjoy his life without other happiness because he needs other person to sharing emotion and feeling. In conclusion, contemplating all the aforementioned reasons, people gladness connected with their family and friends felicity. Blessing helps to people feel good and his life fill with joy. These are reasons why I believe that other people happiness more prominent role in our happiness.
Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
wants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
or do something for someone's for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. From my vantage point, I am jubilant when I do something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for my close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and helpless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
from this way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from my family,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blessing
of
In a formal text, use "whom", not 'who'.
who
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
their family and pals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
share not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
emotion and feeling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. Parents,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
and siblings who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stand with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in better and worse situation,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
connected with close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience compelling example of this, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, care, and concern to my best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
. Most time I spend with him and enjoying every moment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. One year ago, his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
passed away, he was sorrow about his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
. One month after his birthday came,
It seems that a verb is missing.
he
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he missed his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
. Since his not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
, I
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. I made cake for him as like his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
was every birthday
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
cake. I not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
his whole sadness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
somewhat he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "feels", "felt".
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and celebrated his birthday. He was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
, and then I was
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
for him.
Accordingly
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompanied by".
accompanied with
my close ones.

Secondly
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to helpless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, every New Year, I give blankets, cloths, and foods in orphan age and needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They give me huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blessing
which is fill my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
full of satisfaction,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. If, they eat food and wear cloths each time they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "give"
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blessing
and miss me.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
claims
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
not connected with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
nobody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Still
, I firm with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
cannot enjoy his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to sharing emotion and feeling.

In conclusion
, contemplating all the aforementioned reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gladness connected with their family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
felicity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Blessing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
fill with joy. These are reasons why I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
more prominent role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
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IELTS essay The best way to achieve happiness is to make other people happy

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
375 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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