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Do you agree or disagree? The best way for parents to teach their children about responsibility is to have them care for animals

The best way for parents to teach their children about responsibility is to have them care for animals MlmJa
The biggest challenge for parents is to educate their children in different aspect of life, like responsibility. Each parents have different strategies with respect to their children and their life style. Some parents teach responsibility by encourage their children to have pets and some others believe is not a good way. I firmly agree with the later group for two main reasons that I’ll explain them in the next paragraphs. First, everybody knows that animals have sense, and feel pain and suffer. On the other hands, children are in the age that they can’t well support from animals and even they need their parents supporting, so, maybe they hurt animals. For example, one of my classroom, had a chicken and she really loved it. One day she decided to went it to bathroom because she liked to play in bathroom and she think her chicken would like bathroom too. While she was washing it in the bath it died. She cried so much and that event had a bad effect on her for a long time. She had blamed herself a lot and missed her chicken so much. If their parents did not buy that chicken or take care from it themselves, no one would get hurt. Secondly, animals have their own dessese and ills, so living with children and touching or kissing them may have bad consequences on children’s health. Also, like human, some bactryes live on animal’s body that not hurt them but are not good for human health, and when animals live with humans these bactries transfer to human bodies. Studies show that some of desses transmit from animal to human and as children have a low secure system and their body are weak, ills have mor effect on them. Consequently, because of two reasons that I mentioned above, it is not good idea to get animals to children in order to teach them responsibility.
The biggest challenge for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is to educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspect of life, like responsibility.
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular. Did you mean "all"?
Each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "parent"?
parents
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
strategies with respect to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their life style.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
teach responsibility by encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have pets and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others believe is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the later group for two main reasons that I’ll
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
them in the
next
paragraphs.

First
, everybody knows that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have sense, and feel pain and suffer. On the other hands,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are in the age that they can’t well support from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and even they need their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
supporting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, maybe they hurt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
For example
, one of my classroom, had a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
chicken and
she
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
it. One day she decided to went it to bathroom
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she liked to play in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
bathroom and
she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "thinks", "thought".
think
her chicken would like bathroom too.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
she was washing it in the bath it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
. She cried
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on her for a long time. She had blamed herself a lot and missed her chicken
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much. If their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
that chicken or take care from it themselves, no one would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hurt.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake found.
dessese
and ills,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
living with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and touching or kissing them may have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
consequences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health.
Also
, like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
bactryes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on
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animal’s
body that not hurt them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
health, and when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
these
Possible spelling mistake found.
bactries
transfer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
bodies. Studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the desses") or simply say "some desses".
some of desses
transmit from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
and as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a low secure system and their body are weak, ills have
Possible spelling mistake found.
mor
effect on them.

Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two reasons that I mentioned above, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in order to teach them responsibility.
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IELTS essay The best way for parents to teach their children about responsibility is to have them care for animals

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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