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The average age for individuals to give birth is increasing. Some people think that it will have negative impact on family and country. What is your opinion about this?

The average age for individuals to give birth is increasing. Some people think that it will have negative impact on family and country. What is your opinion about this? jRQLp
In this present era, pregnancy and deciding a baby has also become modern. In a few people's opinions, this will have an adverse effect on the family and society. However, in my point of view, it's totally the individual's decision to decide their child's delivery and it has no negative impact. The goals and passion towards their work may make the person decide it later. Also, the fear and the commitments they have to face after the birth of an infant can make people think upon pregnancy in a later point of their life. To begin with, every individual has a dream and running hard every day to achieve the same. Few people think that the kid's birth may ruin their life goals. For instance, when a woman gives childbirth and when she doesn't have much support from her family, subsequently she will be the one who gives up her job. Rather she would have a lot of personal and professional commitments to be fulfilled, which indeed would be collapsed due to the new responsibility. Consequently, it's good if a person fulfils their dream at least to some extent and plan their baby. Secondly, people are frightened to decide upon delivery as there will be many responsibilities after the delivery of the toddler from medicine to studies. Therefore, people are preferring to get settled financially rather getting committed into a family zone. For example, a person from a poor background cannot afford even the medicine and the post-vaccination charges offered by some private hospitals. Next comes the luxurious schools and studies, which fascinates both parents and students, but to get into such big schools cost a large amount of money. As a result, couples from this contemporary generation have become smarter and deciding their babies accordingly. In conclusion, the dream towards their work and the cost of living is making the individuals anxious to decide upon a kid. As highlighted earlier, it's a decision taken between a father and a mother and the society has nothing to do or comment in an individuals life. Hence, from the above statements, I claim that there is no negative impact on giving birth to a child after the average age.
In this present era, pregnancy and deciding a baby has
also
become modern. In a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's opinions, this will have an adverse effect on the family and society.
However
, in my point of view, it's
totally
the individual's decision to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
their child's delivery and it has no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact. The goals and passion towards their work may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
it later.
Also
, the fear and the commitments they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face after the birth of an infant can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
upon pregnancy in a later point of their life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, every individual has a dream and running
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
every day to achieve the same. Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the kid's birth may ruin their life goals.
For instance
, when a woman gives childbirth and when she doesn't have much support from her family,
subsequently
she will be the one who gives up her job.
Rather
she would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
personal and professional commitments to
be fulfilled
, which
indeed
would
be collapsed
due to the new responsibility.
Consequently
, it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
if a person
Possible spelling mistake found.
fulfils
their dream at least to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent and plan their baby.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are frightened
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
upon delivery as there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
responsibilities after the delivery of the toddler from medicine to studies.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The verb 'preferring' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are preferring
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
settled
financially
rather
getting committed into a family zone.
For example
, a person from a poor background cannot afford even the medicine and the post-vaccination charges offered by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
private hospitals.
Next
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
the luxurious schools and studies, which fascinates both parents and students,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
schools cost a large amount of money.
As a result
, couples from this contemporary generation have become smarter and deciding their babies
accordingly
.

In conclusion
, the dream towards their work and the cost of living is making the individuals anxious to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
upon a kid. As highlighted earlier, it's a decision taken between a father and a mother and the society has nothing to do or comment in an
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "individuals'" or "individual's"?
individuals
life.
Hence
, from the above statements, I claim that there is no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on giving birth to a child after the average age.
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IELTS essay The average age for individuals to give birth is increasing. Some people think that it will have negative impact on family and country. What is your opinion about this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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