Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The article from a business magazine argues that the if the employees who needed no more than 6 hours of sleep per night will contribute more for the higher profit margins and faster growth of the company by concluding from a recent study rating of its em

The article from a business magazine argues that the if the employees who needed no more than 6 hours of sleep per night will contribute more for the higher profit margins and faster growth of the company by concluding from a recent study rating of its em BJQ7a
The article from a business magazine argues that the if the employees who needed no more than 6 hours of sleep per night will contribute more for the higher profit margins and faster growth of the company by concluding from a recent study rating of its employees. However, this argument is highly flawed because of the following reasons. Firstly, the population sample of the survey may not be a representative for the entire population. The survey has been taken with only 300 people of the company including male and female. For example, there could be 3000 people working in the company and the survey could have been taken majorly from those employees who had more than 6 hours of sleep per night. Moreover, the people surveyed could have provided inaccurate information of their sleep hours per night. If either of the cases were true, the argument does not hold water. Secondly, the article fails to provide information as to on whom the study has been conducted. The company may consists of employees who work in broad range of hours depending on their job role. The top management employees would have no need to work for long hours in the company and can leave the company with just one or two meetings and presentations. Whereas, a entry level worker would have to work for a pretty long time in the company. Hence, on whom the study has been conducted is not elucidated and hence, the argument falls apart. Moreover, there could have been other factors in the company apart from the sleeping hours of the employees that could have resulted in the higher profit margins and faster growth of the company. For example, there could have high number of high skilled and experienced workers in the company compared to the freshers. Also, the company could have a reputable place in the market that promotes the stock buyers to buy more stocks from the company, making its growth improve. If these cases are true, then the arguments fails to be valid. In conclusion, the study has been flawed because of these unwarranted assumptions provided by the author. Only when these assumptions can be elucidated, the argument can be found valid.
The article from a business magazine argues that the if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who needed no more than 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of sleep per night will contribute more for the higher profit margins and faster growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
by concluding from a recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
rating of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is
highly
flawed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the following reasons.

Firstly
, the population sample of the survey may not be a representative for the entire population. The survey has
been taken
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
300
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
including male and female.
For example
, there could be 3000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and the survey could have
been taken
majorly
from those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who had more than 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of sleep per night.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
surveyed could have provided inaccurate information of their sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per night. If either of the cases were true, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
does not hold water.

Secondly
, the article fails to provide information as to on whom the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
has
been conducted
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
may consists of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who work in broad range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
depending on their job role. The top management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
would have no need to work for long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one or two meetings and presentations. Whereas,
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
entry level worker would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work for a pretty long time in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Hence
, on whom the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
has
been conducted
is not elucidated and
hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
falls apart.

Moreover
, there could have been other factors in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
apart from the sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
that could have resulted in the higher profit margins and faster growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
For example
, there could have high number of high skilled and experienced workers in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
compared to the freshers.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
could have a reputable place in the market that promotes the stock buyers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more stocks from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, making its growth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
. If these cases are true, then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arguments
fails to be valid.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
has
been flawed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these unwarranted assumptions provided by the author.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
when these assumptions can
be elucidated
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
can
be found
valid.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay The article from a business magazine argues that the if the employees who needed no more than 6 hours of sleep per night will contribute more for the higher profit margins and faster growth of the company by concluding from a recent study rating of its em

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
368 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • The article from a business magazine argues that the if the employees who needed no more than 6 hours of sleep per night will contribute more for the higher profit margins and faster growth of the company by concluding from a recent study rating of its em