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The advance of internet emerges a plethora of advantages to the society of the world.

The advance of internet emerges a plethora of advantages to the society of the world. xWOg
The advance of internet emerges a plethora of advantages to the society of the world. Nowadays, internet is the first communication and observes about education. Furthermore, in my opinion half of our lives are used to improve our skills in internet. Nevertheless, internet has some disadvantages as hoax issues which often spreads throughout the world. If we tolerate with this problem, it will cause bad things happen. First of all, the internet has multiplicity profit that are needed by a lots of people today. Additionally, internet can make the user easily to find some latest news. For instance, we know that corona virus is immensely dangerous and abundance people died from this virus. It can be concluded, that we get some news from the internet. Henceforth, internet also has the positive impact in our daily life as easily to get job vacancies. For sample, my brother after graduating want to find a side job to add a little daily results. Afterwards, my brother saw a sponsor on Instagram about covid volunteers. So, now my brother is a covid volunteer at some hospitals in Jakarta. On the other hand, internet not only has some beneficial impact. If we open our eyes, internet has a lot of negative side in everyday life. In addition, a number of applications which use internet give a bad impression. For instance, when I was sixteen years old, my brother said to me that he gets indecent treat or people say ‘bullying’. Furthermore, internet can make us too obsessed to use it. For sample, when I was watched some news in Global TV. Subsequently, this news tells of a child who was cried. Because, there was no internet connection in the area. Nevertheless, internet can make us easily believe about hot issues which are don’t know about the truth. Nowadays, a number of hoax issues that have spread everywhere. Henceforth, some issue that doesn’t know whether it is true or not is about religion. For example, when I was thirteen years old. I got rumored that the end of the world was 2015. The last one, sometimes internet user’s lack control of the internet resulting in the emerges of pornographic content. If we analyze the data above, we can conclude clearly emerging. Internet certainly has an equal comparison between the advantages and disadvantages. Personally, I agree that internet has a lot of valuable information. Depend on us to hold our emotion from bad impact which don’t even know the truth yet.
The advance of internet emerges a plethora of advantages to the society of the world. Nowadays, internet is the
first
communication and observes about education.
Furthermore
, in my opinion half of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in internet.
Nevertheless
, internet has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages as hoax
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
spreads throughout the world. If we tolerate with this problem, it will cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things happen.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the internet has multiplicity profit that
are needed
by
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a lot" or simply "lots"?
a lots
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
Additionally
, internet can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the user
easily
to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
For instance
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
that
The term "coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
corona virus
is
immensely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and abundance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
from this virus. It can
be concluded
, that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
from the internet. Henceforth, internet
also
has the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact in our daily life as
easily
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
job vacancies. For sample, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
after graduating want to find a side job to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
daily results. Afterwards, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a sponsor on Instagram about
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid
volunteers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
is a
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid
volunteer at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hospitals in Jakarta.

On the other hand
, internet not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beneficial impact. If we open our eyes, internet has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side in everyday life.
In addition
, a number of applications which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impression.
For instance
, when I was sixteen years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
said to me that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
indecent treat or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say ‘bullying’.
Furthermore
, internet can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us too obsessed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it. For sample, when I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in Global TV.
Subsequently
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
of a child who
was cried
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, there was no internet connection in the area.
Nevertheless
, internet can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us
easily
believe about hot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
which are don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about the truth. Nowadays, a number of hoax
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
that have spread everywhere. Henceforth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
that doesn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
whether it is true or not is about religion.
For example
, when I was thirteen years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
rumored that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the world was 2015. The last one,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
internet user’s lack control of the internet resulting in the emerges of pornographic content.

If we analyze the data above, we can conclude
clearly
emerging. Internet
certainly
has an equal comparison between the advantages and disadvantages.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that internet has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
valuable information. Depend on us to hold our emotion from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact which don’t even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the truth
yet
.
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IELTS essay The advance of internet emerges a plethora of advantages to the society of the world.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
414 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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