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tell about the birthday party

tell about the birthday party 0wdm3
There are many wonderful memories for me, but the 15th birthday celebration is the one I miss the most. This is also the happiest birthday party I've ever attended, and I'm grateful to my parents for putting it together for me. Everyone surprised me. September is my birthday month, and it is also the start of winter, so the weather is frigid. So my mother bought me a pink sweatshirt the afternoon before my birthday. At that time, I was very happy. The next day, both my parents and siblings threw me a birthday party, and my friends also attended. Everyone brought a gift for me. Everyone congratulated me and cut the cake with me. Then we sang, danced, and took pictures together. Although the birthday party is not big, it is very warm and makes me very happy
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wonderful memories for me,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the 15th birthday celebration is the one I miss the most. This is
also
the happiest birthday party I've ever attended, and I'm grateful to my parents for putting it together for me. Everyone surprised me. September is my birthday month, and it is
also
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of winter,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the weather is frigid.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
my mother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
me a pink sweatshirt the afternoon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
my birthday. At that time, I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happy. The
next
day, both my parents and siblings threw me a birthday party, and my friends
also
attended. Everyone brought a gift for me. Everyone congratulated me and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the cake with me. Then we sang, danced, and took pictures together. Although the birthday party is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
warm and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
happy
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IELTS essay tell about the birthday party

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
138 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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