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Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with family we just watch television. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with family we just watch television. with this opinion? kK72
It is true that television is becoming harmful for family life and sense of community which destroys them. Many people kill their time watching TV instead of visiting loved ones. I agree that point that social media especially telly is dangerous people's life. First and foremost, today a number of people are wasting their most of time just sitting their sofa and looking at the box. For example, do not pay attention their kids, when children needed their attention and their kind. As a result, children may look for care from other people and join harmful groups or take a drug which cause juvenile delinquency. That is why parents should pay attention to their children and spend their time with them going football or traveling. Secondly, watching TV all day long and less physical activity cause some disease, say, obesity and diabetes. Especially seniors suffer from those diseases which are increasing in every country day by day. To solve this problem people should pay attention to their health and go fitness clubs or jogging, yoga that help them. Moreover, a great number of people, especially children have less any sense of community because of social media. For instance, they always kill their time watching TV and they do not communicate or make a friend. Consequently, they have difficulty with making friends or communicate with people, even they can not hit off with classmates. They afraid of making speech among people which separate them from society. For this reason, parents should join their children some activities like football, chess or others which help them working with group. In conclusion, I agree that social media especially TV is becoming dangerous people's life, health and sense of community. By spending their time together, say, traveling, joining fitness clubs, doing physical activities, they can solve their problems.
It is true that television is becoming harmful for family life and sense of community which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
kill their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching TV
instead
of visiting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that point that social media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
especially
telly
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life.
First
and foremost,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are wasting their most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sitting their sofa and looking at the box.
For example
, do not pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
their kids, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
needed their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
and their kind.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may look for care from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
harmful groups or take a drug which cause juvenile delinquency.
That is
why parents should pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them
The usual collocation for an activity that does not end in "-ing" and is something you can win is "play" not "do" or "go." Revise: "playing football".
going football
or traveling.
Secondly
, watching TV all day long and less physical activity cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disease, say, obesity and diabetes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Especially
seniors suffer from those diseases which are increasing in every country day by day. To solve this problem
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
to their health and go fitness clubs or jogging, yoga that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them.
Moreover
, a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have less any sense of community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of social media.
For instance
, they always kill their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
TV and
they do not communicate or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a friend.
Consequently
, they have difficulty with making friends or communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, even they can not hit off with classmates.
You miss the verb here. You should rather write: "They're afraid".
They afraid
of making speech among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which separate them from society.
For this reason
, parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities like football, chess or others which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
The verb 'or' is used with an infinitive: "to work" or "work".
working
with group.
In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that social media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
especially
TV is becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life, health and sense of community. By spending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together, say, traveling, joining fitness clubs, doing physical activities, they can solve their problems.
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IELTS essay Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with family we just watch television. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
303 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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