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televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment?

televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment? BK8V
These days many people are eager to watch talent shows and a number of talent shows are televised. These shows are a good way to entertain people and finding people who are talented. In the modern world, people have a hectic lifestyle and because of that, they need to relax on weekends. Most people like to spend most of their spare time sitting in front of a television and watching entertainment shows. Therefore, talent shows can be a good choice due to excitement and amusement. Besides, talent shows are the method to find talented people, especially (people) who do not have any opportunities except talent shows to present their talents. They can prove themselves to many people in a cheap way and be aware of people’s thoughts and reactions. They can hear viewer’s constructive comments. Consequently, it is possible for them to improve themselves by knowing the strengths and weaknesses of their act. Sometimes they can find managers to invest in them. In some cases, they can not be a winner but owing to their fame, they could become more successful than before. I saw people who were not enough rich to work on their talent and they were not such successful people but after participating in a talent show, their lives changed deeply, so that many people wanted to be a person similar to them. In addition to finding a talented person and making entertainment, these types of programs have other goals. They earn lots of money with advertisements because many people watch and follow the shows and it makes a profit for television. In conclusion, although a talent show is a good method to find talented people and entertain them, it has many benefits for television managers. In my view, the amount of money that they earn from these shows is the main reason to encourage people to watch these programs.
These days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are eager to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and a number of
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talent
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shows
are televised
. These
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shows
are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to entertain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are talented
.

In the modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a hectic lifestyle and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that, they need to relax on weekends. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to spend most of their spare time sitting in front of a television and watching entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice due to excitement and amusement.

Besides
,
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talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are the method to find talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
(
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
) who do not have any opportunities except
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
to present their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
. They can prove themselves to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
way and be aware of
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people’s
thoughts and reactions. They can hear viewer’s constructive comments.
Consequently
, it is possible for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves by knowing the strengths and weaknesses of their act.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
they can find managers to invest in them. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, they can not be a winner
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
owing to their fame, they could become more successful than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
rich to work on their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
talent and
they were not such successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after participating in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
deeply
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wanted to be a person similar to them.

In addition
to finding a talented person and making entertainment, these types of programs have other goals. They earn lots of money with advertisements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
and follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a profit for television.

In conclusion
, although a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
method to find talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and entertain them, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for television managers. In my view, the amount of money that they earn from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
is the main reason to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
these programs.
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IELTS essay televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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