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Teenagers should be encouraged to work part-time. Discuss both sides and provide your own opinion.

My younger sister inquired me the other day about whether she should take a part-time job during weekends. I am surprised that she still has the energy to work while she has to attend school on weekdays. Should students work for a small amount of time? In my opinion, although part-time jobs benefit school pupils’ future career development, students should also have the option to say no. On the one hand, working part-time jobs assists teenagers to embark on their careers. School children spend tremendous time learning traditional subjects, which attributes to achieve academic success rather than social skills. However, the primary goal for numerous students is to secure a decent job after graduation. Meanwhile, part-time works provide opportunities for school pupils to improve their communication skills and accumulate work experience. If students can start acquiring work experience at an early stage, they will become more competitive than peers who lack relevant criteria. Obtaining work experiences can play a decisive role in securing a good job for graduates. On the other hand, refusing to take temporary positions should be allowable for teenagers. As school children have to shoulder onerous workloads from traditional subjects, it is reasonable for students to relax in their spare time. Despite part-time works only require school pupils to work limited shifts, nevertheless, employees need to be extremely cautious to avoid making errors. Therefore, even a short work schedule might bring enormous tension to students. Experiencing tremendous pressure from both school studies and temporary works will result in detrimental impacts on children’s mental health, such as anxiety. In contrast, if students can exercise or play sports rather than working in their free time, such physical activities will benefit children’s health. In conclusion, while taking temporary positions helps teenagers be prepared for future careers, students should have the option to reject and enjoy other events.
My younger sister inquired me the other day about whether she should take a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
during weekends. I
am surprised
that she
still
has the energy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
on weekdays. Should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
? In my opinion, although part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pupils’ future career development,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
also
have the option to say no.

On the one hand, working part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
assists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to embark on their careers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend tremendous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
learning traditional subjects, which attributes to achieve academic success
rather
than social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
However
, the primary goal for numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is to secure a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after graduation. Meanwhile, part-time works provide opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pupils to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and accumulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience at an early stage, they will become more competitive than peers who lack relevant criteria. Obtaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experiences can play a decisive role in securing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for graduates.

On the other hand
, refusing to take temporary positions should be allowable for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
shoulder onerous workloads from traditional subjects, it is reasonable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to relax in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Despite part-time works
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pupils to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
limited shifts,
nevertheless
, employees need to be
extremely
cautious to avoid making errors.
Therefore
, even a short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
schedule might bring enormous tension to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Experiencing tremendous pressure from both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
studies and temporary works will result in detrimental impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
mental health, such as anxiety.
In contrast
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can exercise or play sports
rather
than working in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, such physical activities will benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health.

In conclusion
, while taking temporary positions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
be prepared
for future careers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should have the option to reject and enjoy other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

IELTS essay Teenagers should be encouraged to work part-time.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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