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Technology has change the sports events dramatically. Do you agree or disagree?

Technology has change the sports events dramatically. BJQ7p
It is often argued that techno-doping has significantly affected athletic events. I fully agree with this opinion and I believe that sports events have strongly been developed by technology doping. Firstly, some believe that technologies have directly influenced participation, which is extremely important to athletes and sports managers. It is clear that the number of sports spectators has substantially increased than before because everybody is able to watch live all of holding events throughout the world even in the farthest cottage. Taking as an example, you can imagine that athletic events like Olympic or FIFA World Cups hold without modern equipment such as high-tech cameras for living broadcast, new various clothes in all fields, and the highest level of stadiums as well as sports clubs. So technology doping plays an important role in over enhancing participation. Secondly, some experts claim that sports technologies have resulted in returning hope to handicapped people where they would attend sports competitions. In other words, modern sports equipment like blade runners, artificial hands, assistive robots have designed to help individuals with feet, hand, and eye disabilities which make them hopeful returning to sports competitions. For instance, Oscar Pretorius, the eminent South African sprinter is the one who uses techno-doping by his J-shaped feet. Both of Oscar’s feet have been amputated because of a congenital defect. However, it is interesting to know he competes with normal people at the highest level of champions. Overall, the presence of technology in sports has enabled everybody to demonstrate their ability. To conclude, I firmly believe that sports events have been profoundly affected by technological equipment because they encourage people and motivate them to follow all athletic events. Furthermore, New equipment designs have also made a positive situation for all peoples with disabilities so that they can compete in championships.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that techno-doping has
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
athletic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
have
strongly
been developed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
doping.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have
directly
influenced participation, which is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to athletes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
managers. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
spectators has
substantially
increased than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everybody is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
Consider using "all holding" or "all of the holding".
all of holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
throughout the world even in the farthest cottage. Taking as an example, you can imagine that athletic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
like Olympic or FIFA World Cups hold without modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
such as high-tech cameras for living broadcast, new various clothes in all fields, and the highest level of stadiums
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
clubs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
doping plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in over enhancing participation.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experts claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have resulted in returning hope to handicapped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
where they would attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competitions.
In other words
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
like blade runners, artificial hands, assistive robots have designed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
individuals with feet, hand, and eye disabilities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them hopeful returning to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "sport".
sports
competitions.
For instance
, Oscar
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pretorius
, the eminent South African sprinter is the one who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
techno-doping by his J-shaped feet. Both of Oscar’s feet have
been amputated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a congenital defect.
However
, it is interesting to know he competes with normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at the highest level of champions.
Overall
, the presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
has enabled everybody to demonstrate their ability.

To conclude
, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
have been
profoundly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and motivate them to follow all athletic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
Furthermore
, New
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
designs have
also
made a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
situation for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
with disabilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can compete in championships.
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IELTS essay Technology has change the sports events dramatically.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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