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successful sports stars and glamours film stars are role models for the youngster

successful sports stars and glamours film stars are role models for the youngster YLm1r
The importance of youngsters is influence by sports stars and glamour film which was always debatable has now become more controversial with many people claiming that it is beneficial while others reject this notion. In my opinion, the former preposition appears to be more rational. This essay will further elaborate on the positive effects of this trend and thus will lead to a logical conclusion. There are myriad of reasons which will further explain this argument but the most preponderant one stems from the fact that sports stars and glamour’s movies are beneficial for the youngster because the youngster learns more things such as attitude and their living style. Moreover, the youngster learns more things in movies such as culture, language, and business. Needless to say, all these merits stand in good stead. Elaborating my viewpoint, there are some more merits but the most alarming one is that many youngsters are followed by sportspeople who have physical fitness and also they copy their style such as hairstyles and wearing things. Another pivotal effect is that the sportsman set a good example for the youngster. According to the arguments aforementioned above one can reach a conclusion the benefits of youngsters are influence by sports stars and glamorous are indeed too great to ignore.
The importance of youngsters is influence by sports stars and glamour film which was always debatable has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become more controversial with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claiming that it is beneficial while others reject this notion. In my opinion, the former preposition appears to be more rational. This essay will
further
elaborate on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of this trend and
thus
will lead to a logical conclusion. There are myriad of reasons which will
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the most preponderant one stems from the fact that sports stars and glamour’s movies are beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youngster
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youngster
learns more things such as attitude and their living style.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youngster
learns more things in movies such as culture, language, and business. Needless to say, all these merits stand in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
stead. Elaborating my viewpoint, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more merits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the most alarming one is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters
are followed
by sportspeople who have physical fitness and
also
they copy their style such as hairstyles and wearing things. Another pivotal effect is that the sportsman set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youngster
. According to the arguments aforementioned above one can reach a conclusion the benefits of youngsters are influence by sports stars and glamorous are
indeed
too great to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.
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IELTS essay successful sports stars and glamours film stars are role models for the youngster

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
212 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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