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studying art in school improves students performance in other subjects, because it is easier for multi-tasking students to learn new things.That's why art should be obligatory in school.do you agree or disagree?

studying art in school improves students performance in other subjects, because it is easier for multi-tasking students to learn new things. That's why art should be obligatory in school. 7Mr6
Along the development of the life quality, nowadays, people more attended to art. And suddenly, they found out that art can helps to improves students performance and results in other subjects. Probably because it is easier for multi-tasking students to explore new things. And obviously I agree that art should be obligatory in the school. Firstly, I believe that art absolutely helps students relax, chill after exhausted lessons. For the example, we are stressful because you have to put the finishing touches on tight deadline. We can chill a little bit by see and perceive meaningful draws. Secondly, art might be relates to something special as beliefs or cultural. So for some reason, it can motivates us focus on our target, on our dream. It inspires we try our best for what you believe, for what important to you. Last but not least, art is one thing destructing our history. It's shown exactly the development of specific cultural after the alter of the time. However, it could be the main reason lead to some problems. Art is help students relaxing but they also can be distracted into another topic which not related to the main purpose of art in the school is help students improving the performance and study results. After all, there are clear benefits of officializing this subject. One should notes here, I believe art should be obligatory in the school as this provides some serious important benefits even it could be some problems with it.
Along the development of the life quality, nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more attended to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. And
suddenly
, they found out that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "help"
helps
to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "improve".
improves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
performance and results in other subjects.
Probably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is easier for multi-tasking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to explore new things. And
obviously
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should be obligatory in the school.

Firstly
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
absolutely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
relax, chill after exhausted lessons. For the example, we are stressful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
put the finishing touches on tight deadline. We can chill a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and perceive meaningful draws.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
might be
Consider using the past participle "related"?
relates
to something special as beliefs or cultural.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reason, it can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "motivate"
motivates
us focus on our target, on our dream. It inspires we try our best for what you believe, for what
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to you.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is one thing destructing our history. It's shown exactly the development of specific cultural after the alter of the time.

However
, it could be the main reason lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
relaxing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
can
be distracted
into another topic which not related to the main purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in the school is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
improving the performance and study results.

After all
, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
benefits of officializing this subject. One should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "note"
notes
here, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should be obligatory in the school as this provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefits even it could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems with it.

IELTS essay studying art in school improves students performance in other subjects, because it is easier for multi-tasking students to learn new things. That's why art should be obligatory in school.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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