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Study of cooperation and conflict between same age groups children

Study of cooperation and conflict between same age groups children 0Ama1
In an overview, in this speech and reading discussed about study in same-age peer groups and how organized them. moreover, discussed about drawbacks and benefits aspect Of the dividing children between two group equally. Deliberately, the essential indications in the lecture cast doubt on the fundamental points in the reading. First of all, the lecture states that the first thing the researcher noticed was that when the boys were divided randomly separated into two group, there was an increases negative attitudes between them or ever competition between them inversely badly. For example they started tease or belittle each other. However, this is contrasts the topic in reading that the asserts that the peer groups build tolerance and decrease conflict because children are equal in terms of status and power. Furthermore, about to delve conflict and cooperative, the lecture declares that in the when student put back together, the conflict will reduce and cooperation in the tasks increases. Although, this is opposite with clues of the reading that clearly indicates when students are in divided groups, the contests and competition between same age peer groups will reduce. Finally, the lecture concluded that when children at the same age are divided into group, competition comes from naturally than cooperation. While, this challenges the content in the text that believes cooperation comes naturally to children of the same age.
In an overview, in this speech and reading
Did you mean simply "discussed study"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discussed about study
in same-age peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
and how organized them.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
moreover
,
Did you mean simply "discussed drawbacks"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discussed about drawbacks
and benefits aspect Of the dividing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
between two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
equally
.
Deliberately
, the essential indications in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lecture
cast doubt on the fundamental points in the reading.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lecture
states that the
first
thing the researcher noticed was that when the boys
were divided
randomly
separated into two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
,
Did you mean "there were an increases"?
there was an increases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
attitudes between them or ever competition between them
inversely
badly
. For
The comma is probably missing here: "example, they".
example they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
tease or belittle each other.
However
, this is contrasts the topic in reading that the asserts that the peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
build tolerance and decrease conflict
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are equal in terms of status and power.

Furthermore
, about to delve conflict and cooperative, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lecture
declares that in the when student put back together, the conflict will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
and cooperation in the tasks increases. Although, this is opposite with clues of the reading that
clearly
indicates when students are in divided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, the contests and competition between same age peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.

Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lecture
concluded that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at the same age
are divided
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, competition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
Use "(naturally)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
naturally
than cooperation.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, this challenges the content in the text that believes cooperation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
naturally
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of the same age.
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IELTS essay Study of cooperation and conflict between same age groups children

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
226 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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