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Study Needs Time, Peace And Comfort, Whereas Employment Needs The Same

Study Needs Time, Peace And Comfort, Whereas Employment Needs The Same OmKy
Nowdays education requires much more focusing than some 20 years ago due to invention of internet and technological advancement. Though this progress has a lot of shortcuts for our live, but at the same time it has some drawbacks as well. On the one hand utilizing the internet and contemporary technologies gives us a plenty of use cases to improve our day to day live by reducing the time and efforts that needed to study and work. At present there are huge amount of employees that work remotely thanks to the internet that gives us an opportunity to work from our homes and save excessive time on commuting. Also all entertainment is now available just in our living places. For instance you don't have to go to the cinema to watch a movie, you can watch it in your apartment without any disturbance and with all conveniences. On the other hand because of this technological improvements we are getting really distracted. If we consider these technologies as something that would help us with education and work, we will find a lot of useful use cases of it. But in other cases we can just waste a huge amount of time with social networks, computer games and other time-killers. If we look at statistics we will find out that disturbing at work is increasing year by year last few decades. To conclude, I just want to say that time, peace and comfort is just part of the good work experience that of course will enhance your efficiency but will not fulfill all your necessities.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nowdays
education requires much more focusing than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
20 years ago due to invention of internet and technological advancement. Though this progress has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
shortcuts for our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks
as well
.

On the one hand utilizing the internet and contemporary technologies gives us a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cases to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our day to day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
by reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and efforts that needed to study and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. At present there are huge
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "amounts"?
amount
of employees that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
remotely
thanks to the internet that gives us an opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from our homes and save excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on commuting.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
all entertainment is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
available
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in our living places. For
The comma is probably missing here: "instance, you".
instance you
don't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to the cinema to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a movie, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
it in your apartment without any disturbance and with all conveniences.

On the other hand
because of this
technological improvements we are getting
really
distracted. If we consider these technologies as something that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us with education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, we will find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cases of it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in other cases we can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
waste a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with social networks, computer games and other time-killers.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
we look at statistics we will find out that disturbing at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is increasing year by year last few decades.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, peace and comfort is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
part of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience that
of course
will enhance your efficiency
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will not fulfill all your necessities.
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IELTS essay Study Needs Time, Peace And Comfort, Whereas Employment Needs The Same

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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