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Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case?

Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case? PVLRE
Many surveys show that the majority of teenagers prefer communication through internet to one-to-one meeting. This can have negative impact on interpersonal communication skills and I would suggest some measures to avoid this problem. First of all, young people should have more outdoor activities so that they would have less time to spend on social networks. This could be some sport or creative classes where school students could find friends with common interests and hold joint projects. The meetings with classmates and friends on such clubs would develop them both academically and personally. Undoubtedly, projects and clubs are an excellent chance of self-expression and interaction with society. Another measure that could work positevely is technical impossibility for people under 15 to use social networks more than two hours per day. Knowing that they cannot stay too long chatting or talking online they would accept the fact that live meetings is also an available option of communication. Of course, this option is harder to realize and still the control of time on social media could encourage teenagers to meet friends and participate in after-school activities. In conclusion, I would say that since social networks make our lives easier it also have some unwilling impacts on teenagers and this fact requires attention from their parents. Even if we live in a digital age it is still important to develop interpersonal skills. The teenagers should have more opportunities to meeting each other face to face so that they will not have troubles when entering the labour world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
surveys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
prefer communication through internet to one-to-one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
. This can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on interpersonal communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and I would suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to avoid this problem.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should have more outdoor activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they would have less time to spend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks. This could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sport or creative classes where school students could find friends with common interests and hold joint projects. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
with classmates and friends on such clubs would develop them both
academically
and
personally
.
Undoubtedly
, projects and clubs are an excellent chance of self-expression and interaction with society.

Another measure that could work
Possible spelling mistake found.
positevely
is technical impossibility for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
under 15 to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks more than two hours per day. Knowing that they cannot stay too long chatting or talking online they would accept the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
is
also
an available option of communication.
Of course
, this option is harder to realize and
still
the control of time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media could encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
friends and participate in after-school activities.

In conclusion
, I would say that since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier it
also
Did you mean "has"?
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unwilling impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
and this fact requires attention from their parents.
“Even if” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Even if
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a digital age it is
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to develop interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should have more opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
each other face to face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will not have troubles when entering the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
world.
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IELTS essay Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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