Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Story for the Christmas night.

Story for the Christmas night. 70lj6
December 24, 1987, The big Christmas night had come again this year. Every house was filled with lights and a big Christmas tree, which added to the grandeur of this beautiful night. On the other side were the voices of the happy children that couldn’t wait for their gifts. The largest and most beautiful house was that of Mr. William and his wife Rebecca. They had three daughters Stormi, Livia, and Mia for whom they took great care to make them happy. Mr. William was the mayor of the country and for this reason he owned a large fortune in that country. Like every year Christmas at his house was magical. Years passed and his daughters grew up as Mr. William and his wife grew old. It was time for him to give up his many years of work and devote to his family. The time had come for his daughters to start a family. They got married and moved to their new homes. Mr. William also made sure to give them a large fortune because he was sure they would always come to visit their parents. Years passed and Mrs. Rebecca became seriously ill, the girls immediately came there for her but unfortunately on christmas night she died. Everyone was saddened by her death, especially Mr. William, who loved her dearly but had never expressed the great love he had for her. After she was buried, the girls go away to their homes again, leaving their father to go through this pain alone. The house was so big and empty. Months were passing and the girls were not visiting their father anymore, they did not even call him for the joys they had in their family. It seemed as if they had buried their father with their mother. Mr. William felt very lonely and sad that the girls did not visit him again and he felt that they had abandoned him. Out of loneliness he became seriously ill and could not get out of bed. The only one who took care of him was Mrs. Bela who had been working for Mr. William for many years. Apart from illness, what was hurting Mr. William even more was loneliness. No one could believe how a man who had such a happy family could be left alone in his last days. He wrote a letter to his daughters asking them to visit him and once for the last time as he felt he was going to die soon. But since it was December and the holidays were approaching again they were busy preparing their homes. Mr. William kept his eyes on the door but it was in vain because no one entered that door except Mrs. Bela. It was Christmas night and there in his bed he was remembering the wonderful Christmas he had spent with his family. Mrs. Bela looked at him with regret as he was suffering. At one point she saw that he closed his eyes and tears flowed down his face. She immediately went to him but now he was dead. When the girls received the news of his father's death they left for the house where he was staying. They saw him and felt very guilty that they had left him alone and not visited him for a long time. But now it was too late because he was no longer alive.
December 24, 1987, The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
Christmas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
again
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
was filled
with lights and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
Christmas tree, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the grandeur of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
. On the other side were the voices of the happy children that couldn’t wait for their gifts.

The largest and most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
was that of Mr. William and his wife Rebecca. They had three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daughters
Possible spelling mistake found.
Stormi
, Livia, and Mia for whom they took great care to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy. Mr. William was the mayor of the country and
for this reason
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
a large fortune in that country. Like every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
Christmas at his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
was magical. Years passed and his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daughters
grew up as Mr. William and his wife grew
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. It was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for him to give up his
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years of work and devote to his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daughters
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
married and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to their new homes. Mr. William
also
made sure to give them a large fortune
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he was sure they would always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to visit their parents. Years passed and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mrs
. Rebecca became
seriously
ill, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
immediately came there for her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unfortunately on
Possible spelling mistake found.
christmas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
. Everyone
was saddened
by her death,
especially
Mr. William,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
her
dearly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
had never expressed the great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
he had for her. After she
was buried
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
go away to their homes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
again
, leaving their father to go through this pain alone. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
and empty. Months were passing and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
were not visiting their father anymore, they did not even call him for the joys they had in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. It seemed as if they had buried their father with their mother. Mr. William
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
felt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lonely and sad that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
did not visit him
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
again and
he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
felt
that they had abandoned him. Out of loneliness he became
seriously
ill and could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of bed. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
took care of him was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mrs
. Bela
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had been working for Mr. William for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years. Apart from illness, what was hurting Mr. William even more was loneliness. No one could believe how a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had such a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
alone in his last days. He wrote a letter to his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daughters
asking them to visit him and once for the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
felt
he was going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
since it was December and the holidays were approaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
again
they were busy preparing their homes. Mr. William
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
his eyes on the door
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was in vain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no one entered that door except
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mrs
. Bela.

It was Christmas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
and there in his bed he
The verb 'remembering' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
was remembering
the wonderful Christmas he had spent with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mrs
. Bela looked at him with regret as he was suffering. At one point she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
that he closed his eyes and tears flowed down his face. She immediately went to him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he was dead. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
received the news of his father's death they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
where he was staying. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
him and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
felt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
guilty that they had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
him alone and not visited him for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it was too late
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he was no longer alive.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Story for the Christmas night.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
566 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 6band
    Applications of algebraic equations and inequalities
    The advancements in modern technology are a result of theories presented by scientists and researchers, which they proved on the basis of mathematical models. These models involve the techniques that are the core elements in mathematics which includes calculus, trigonometry, algebra, and geometry. H...
  • 5.5band
    job satisfaction for workers
    In this period, people rely on working hard for making bright future for their posterity, numerous people have their certain prospective view, like our fingers don’t match to each other consequently they helpful for us in the contrary each finger have different function or pattern. On the brighter ...
  • 5band
    Factors contributing to the increase in international travel
    For a long time, travelling and embracing new cultures was something only well-off or influential people could experience. However, now that there are faster and cheaper ways to travel, it is becoming widely available. I got very interested after witnessing a discussion about this topic, and I would...
  • 5band
    it is better for teenagers to visit somewhere in the countryside than somewhere in a city
    Nowadays, most people share the view that places in cities are more interesting for teenagers than places in the countryside. To begin with, the countryside have many advantajes such as the fasinating views ant the variety of nature, however, ithas disadvantajes too, especially the facilities of tra...
  • 6band
    the problems of students with visual impairments and what can we help them?
    Nowadays, while a variety of non-disabled students have a good education environment, there are several pupils with visual impairments who cannot fully participate in school and are often left behind. What can we do to help them overcome their problems? Firstly, many non-disabled people and the han...
  • 5.5band
    Motivation letter for scholarship selection
    Dear Scholarship Selection Committee, Thank you for this opportunity. My name is Abdul-Basit Ilori, a biochemistry graduate from the prestigious University of Ilorin in Nigeria. I am writing this essay to support my application for a scholarship award to study in Hungary. I aspire to become a medi...