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Some young people are sent to prison for minor crimes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such imprisonment?

Some young people are sent to prison for minor crimes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such imprisonment? 2bKO6
Jailing the committers of minor crimes is chosen as a punishment and there is an essential percentage of young people among them. That has been done in hope that the time spent in prison will prompt them to get back to the right way and prevent them from committing the bigger ones. However, this approach decreases the chances of being hired in the labour market in the future. The youngsters who may otherwise become serious criminals may be deterred by the thought of prison. Future criminals may choose to act in a different manner or make different choices if there is a solid understanding of the consequences. The one who saw prison from a closer viewpoint probably will decide to avoid criminal activity and will attempt to follow the law as closely as possible to avoid returning to prison. In this aspect, the prison system is effective in rehabilitating prisoners and creating responsible citizens. This effectiveness is proven by statistics which states that only 2 per cent of previous offenders ate age 16-25 end up back in jail. The main disadvantage of the young who have served time in prison is succeeding in seeking a decent job. Although there are services that help prisoners to find work before they leave prison, some may have difficulty keeping a job while others may have difficulty finding a job. Young ex-prisoners with high-level skills and abilities may end up working in menial jobs because they are discriminated against if they apply for anything higher. Furthermore, many offenders may find that they have become deskilled while serving their sentence. According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics two-thirds of men who were incarcerated for six months at age 19 are hired approximately twice slower and less compared to ones who had never been arrested. In conclusion, being locked up for inessential offences reduces the likelihood of committing bigger crimes, however, it influences the further employment process negatively
Jailing the committers of minor crimes
is chosen
as a punishment and there is an essential percentage of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
among them. That has
been done
in hope that the time spent in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
will prompt them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back to the right way and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from committing the bigger ones.
However
, this approach decreases the chances of
being hired
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market in the future.

The youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
may
otherwise
become serious criminals may
be deterred
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
. Future criminals may choose to act in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
manner or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
choices if there is a solid understanding of the consequences. The one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
from a closer viewpoint
probably
will decide to avoid criminal activity and will attempt to follow the law as
closely
as possible to avoid returning to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
. In this aspect, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
system is effective in rehabilitating prisoners and creating responsible citizens. This effectiveness
is proven
by statistics which states that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2 per cent of previous offenders ate age 16-25
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up back in jail.

The main disadvantage of the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have served time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
is succeeding in seeking a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Although there are services that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
prisoners to find work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may have difficulty keeping a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
while others may have difficulty finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Young ex-prisoners with high-level
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and abilities may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up working in menial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are discriminated
against if they apply for anything higher.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
offenders may find that they have become deskilled while serving their sentence. According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics two-thirds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were incarcerated
for six months at age 19
are hired
approximately twice slower and less compared to ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had never
been arrested
.

In conclusion
,
being locked
up for inessential
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the likelihood of committing bigger crimes,
however
, it influences the
further
employment process
negatively
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IELTS essay Some young people are sent to prison for minor crimes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such imprisonment?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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