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Some workers believe that pension age for all sectors should be applied a similar age

Some workers believe that pension age for all sectors should be applied a similar age Q27Ay
Some workers believe that pension age for all sectors should be applied a similar age limit where others think that employee should have a rights to select on the profession where I do not agree. Because employee should have a freedom to select the retirement time rather fixing an age for all works. As some people agree with the fixed age limit for all job categories, there are people who want to go early refinement and spend time with their family members. Most of works do not have a sufficient time for free life and do not think about their personal life. For example, they can spend more time with family members by going an overseas trip. Future, there are works who do not have physical fitness when the age pasts 55 and above and they would like to resign from their places and enjoy the early pension life. Doctors are the best example for who interest to go early pension since they work with stress. On the other hand, there can be employees who wanted to move to the different industry since they may not enjoy the existing sector. Therefore, not allowing early pension age will be unfair to these kind of employee. In addition, unemployment ratio of younger can be increased since they have lesser opportunity to joint with working sector where existing works retirement age has been increased. Workers productivity can be reduced once they reached the age 55 and employers may be not interesting keep them further. In conclusion, retirement age of any works should be open after the age of 55 where they have an option to continue if they interested. My opinion also works should have a freedom of applying pension once they reached the minimum age limit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
workers believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pension
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for all sectors should
be applied
a similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
limit where others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
should have
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a right" or simply "rights"?
a rights
to select on the profession where I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
should have a freedom to select the retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
rather
fixing an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for all works.

As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
limit for all job categories, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
refinement and spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family members.
After 'Most of', you should use 'the' ("Most of the works") or simply say "Most works".
Most of works
do not have a sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for free life and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their personal life.
For example
, they can spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family members by going an overseas trip. Future, there are works
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have physical fitness when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
pasts 55 and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
above and
they would like to resign from their places and enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pension
life. Doctors are the best example for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
interest to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pension
since they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

On the other hand
, there can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
industry since they may not enjoy the existing sector.
Therefore
, not allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pension
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
will be unfair to
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
.
In addition
, unemployment ratio of younger can
be increased
since they have lesser opportunity to joint with working sector where existing works retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
has
been increased
. Workers productivity can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
once they reached the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
55 and employers may be not interesting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them
further
.

In conclusion
, retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of any works should be open after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 55 where they have an option to continue if they interested. My opinion
also
works should have
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "freedom".
a freedom
of applying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pension
once they reached the minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
limit.
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IELTS essay Some workers believe that pension age for all sectors should be applied a similar age

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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