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Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Nowadays, people have started to work while studying in the hope of earning some money. Due to this, they cannot give their best at academics. They lack time to study and gradually, start to get low scores. As they fail to handle their education and work, they come under great pressure. In my opinion, students try to work while they are studying because of the high cost of education. Most parents cannot afford to pay fees of their children. Similarly, some students prefer getting education abroad to education at their own country. And, when students go abroad to study, they are bound to work on most case scenarios because of the tution fee as well as higher living expenses. Also, there is a feeling to become independent. So, students work to pay their expenses by themselves. The other reason for students to work might be the impracticality of todays curriculum. The courses are mostly outdated and theoretical. They don't teach students real world skills. In order to gain some practical and essential experiences, some students might decide to work. According to me, working part time while studying is okay. But, if the work is hampering academics of a student and keeping the student under great pressure then he/she should concentrate on studies instead of work. But, there are many students who are compelled to work because of the financial complexities. Therefore, keeping the cost of education really reasonable and cheap can encourage students to give more priorities on their education than their work. So, making education a service rather than making it a business should be the first shape. Also, deserving candidate should be given scholarships without any greed and the scholarship numbers for every universities and colleges should be rapidly increased. Governments should also focus on making education free because education must be accessible and affordable.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while studying in the hope of earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money. Due to this, they cannot give their best at academics. They lack time to study and
gradually
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
low scores. As they fail to handle their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
under great pressure.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while they are studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the high cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Most parents cannot afford to pay fees of their children.
Similarly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
abroad to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country. And, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
go abroad to study, they
are bound
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on most case scenarios
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tution
fee
as well
as higher living expenses.

Also
, there is a feeling to become independent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to pay their expenses by themselves. The other reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
might be the impracticality of
It seems that a possessive apostrophe is missing.
todays
curriculum. The courses are
mostly
outdated and theoretical. They don't teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
real world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. In order to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical and essential experiences,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might decide to work.

This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using “in my opinion” or “I think”.
According to me
, working
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
part time
while studying is okay.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is hampering academics of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and keeping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
under great pressure then he/she should concentrate on studies
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
are compelled
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the financial complexities.

Therefore
, keeping the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
really
reasonable and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
can encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to give more priorities on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
a service
rather
than making it a business should be the
first
shape.
Also
, deserving candidate should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
scholarships without any greed and the scholarship numbers for every
The noun should probably be in the singular form: “university”?
universities
and colleges should be
rapidly
increased.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should
also
focus on making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
free
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be accessible and affordable.
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IELTS essay Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
307 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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