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Some students tend to play computer games rather than do sports. Why is this? What can be done to tackle the problem

Some students tend to play computer games rather than do sports. Why is this? What can be done to tackle the problem A261
-I feel that students end up choosing video games over sports as it causes the brain to release adrenaline causing hormones in high quantities. These hormones that make people excited can be addictive to a certain extent. The other motivation for students to enjoy video games is because it offers them an alternate life through virtual reality. --Games often have characters that a player can build. Some games help you to connect with your friends worldwide and play together, which also makes gives the game a social element. --In sports, one needs to work with the body. Training it regularly and practising physical skills can take a toll on individuals. Some people avoid physical exhaustion and fatigue. There is also a heightened risk of injuries in sports. This fear of injuries can be detrimental to people who are afraid of getting hurt. --This problem can be solved by educating students on the health effects of a sedentary lifestyle. School curriculums should include mandatory sports as well as theoretical lessons on the benefits of playing sports. Sports should be taught with the right format and training for students to see value in it. They should also be encouraged by peers and parents to pursue sports for the immense benefits it has. --Families should replace television watching with sports and outdoor activities to encourage children from a young age to develop the habit. Making it a part of their childhood routine can make it harder for them to break the habit of playing a sport.
-I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up choosing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as it causes the brain to release adrenaline causing hormones in high quantities. These hormones that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
excited can be addictive to a certain extent. The other motivation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to enjoy video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it offers them an alternate life through virtual reality.

--Games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have characters that a player can build.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to connect with your friends worldwide and play together, which
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
gives the game a social element.

--In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, one needs to work with the body. Training it
regularly
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can take a toll on individuals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
avoid physical exhaustion and fatigue. There is
also
a heightened
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of injuries in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. This fear of injuries can be detrimental to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are afraid of getting hurt.

--This problem can
be solved
by educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
on the health effects of a sedentary lifestyle. School curriculums should include mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as well
as theoretical lessons on the benefits of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
should
be taught
with the right format and training for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
value in it. They should
also
be encouraged
by peers and parents to pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for the immense benefits it has.

--Families should replace television watching with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and outdoor activities to encourage children from a young age to develop the habit. Making it a part of their childhood routine can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it harder for them to break the habit of playing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
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IELTS essay Some students tend to play computer games rather than do sports. Why is this? What can be done to tackle the problem

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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