Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their spare time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their spare time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. jRbAa
Varity of people say that children should be encouraged by their parents to take part in the organized group activities in their free time, whereas some believe that children should learn how to keep themselves busy in their own. In this essay, I will talk about both point of view and give my own opinion. For starters, organized group activities allow children to learn and mix-up with the other people. Not only this but also, they will come to know how to interact with other people and with their peers. This will make them realize the importance of the live in this world, and also learn how to face the difficulties in their life. For example, children who is a part of team or group will get support from their peers in every situation, whether it is good or bad. On the contrary side, children should be independent to make their own decision to whatever they want to do in their free time. This gives them ability to think properly in every situation, however there is a small possibility of getting social anxiety and stress eventually, yet they should learn to overcome that as well. To exemplify, thinking own their own will give them various ideas to solve the single problem. To sum-up everything that has been stated so far, having discussed both views, I personally think that an organized group activity is more beneficial for children, because they will eventually have to come across people, so they have to be good in their interaction skills, which only will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
Varity
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
by their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
activities in their free time, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves busy in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. In this essay, I will talk about both point of view and give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

For starters, organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and mix-up with the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know how to interact with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and with their peers. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them realize the importance of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in this world, and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to face the difficulties in their life.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'children' should be used.
is
a part of team or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
support from their peers in every situation, whether it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.

On the contrary
side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be independent to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decision to whatever they want to do in their free time. This gives them ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
properly
in every situation,
however
there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
possibility of getting social anxiety and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
eventually
,
yet
they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to overcome that
as well
. To exemplify, thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
will give them various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to solve the single problem.

To sum-up everything that has
been stated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far, having discussed both views, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that an organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
activity is more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
eventually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in their interaction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will be
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their spare time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts