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Some say that by showing spectacular sporting events such as Olympic and world cup. Adults will do regular exercise. Do you agree or disagree? Discuss both opinion.

Some say that by showing spectacular sporting events such as Olympic and world cup. Adults will do regular exercise. Ajg61
Physical exercise is vital in keeping our body healthy. However, over the past years it was observed that adults are not doing enough exercise. While some say that the best way to inspire them to exercise is by showing spectacular sporting events like the Olympic and world cup on television, I believe that there are better ways to encourage them such as improving exercise facilities and support from family members. People who believe that adults can be encouraged to do exercise by showing spectacular sporting events in television base their argument in the fact that adults have the inherent tendency to follow their role models or idols. Sports celebrities such as boxers, tennis players, basketball stars have a huge influence on their fans, including adults, and when they see them on television they follow their healthy lifestyle, among of these is regular exercises. As a result, adults will engage in exercise. For example, in the Philippines, every time Manny Pacquiao has a boxing match, a month after his fight the attendance in boxing gym increases by 30 percent. However, gym attendees decrease as time goes by. Showing sports events in television do not guarantee a perpetual engaging in physical exercise among adults. I believe that by improving exercise facilities and through family support they will do exercise regularly. When such facilities are in good and safe condition they will be eager to try and they will not be afraid of accident that may occur caused by the poor condition of exercise equipment. Also, family members have huge influence among adults. By being with them during their exercise, they will be driven by the moral support and thus they will continue and even increase their activity. For instance, my father does not do a regular jogging every morning before, but since I joined him, he is jogging regularly and even increases his jogging activity from twice a week to four times a week. In conclusion, although showing spectacular sport events on television could inspire older people to exercise, I believe that by improving the exercise facilities and sports centre together with the family support, adults will engage more in exercise.
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is vital in keeping our body healthy.
However
, over the past years it
was observed
that
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adults
are not doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say that the best way to inspire them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is by showing spectacular sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
like the Olympic and world cup on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that there are better ways to encourage them such as improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
facilities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
can
be encouraged
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
by showing spectacular sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
base their argument in the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
have the inherent tendency to follow their role models or idols.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
celebrities such as boxers, tennis players, basketball stars have a huge influence on their fans, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
, and when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
they follow their healthy lifestyle, among of these is regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
will engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
For example
, in the Philippines, every time
Possible spelling mistake found.
Manny
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pacquiao
has a boxing match, a month after his fight the attendance in boxing gym increases by 30 percent.
However
, gym attendees decrease as time goes by.

Showing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
do not guarantee a perpetual engaging in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that by improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
facilities and through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
they will do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
regularly
. When such facilities are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and safe condition they will be eager to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
they will not be afraid of accident that may occur caused by the poor condition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
equipment.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members have huge influence among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. By being with them during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, they will
be driven
by the moral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
and
thus
they will continue and even increase their activity.
For instance
, my father does not do a regular jogging every morning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
since I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
him, he is jogging
regularly
and even increases his jogging activity from twice a week to four times a week.

In conclusion
, although showing spectacular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
could inspire older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that by improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
facilities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
together with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
will engage more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
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IELTS essay Some say that by showing spectacular sporting events such as Olympic and world cup. Adults will do regular exercise.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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