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Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organisations. kdNK
People have various views about how much time should be worked in a company. While some people argue that working in the same firm until retirement has brought benefits materially and morally, others opine that employees working for different organisations would gain unparalleled experiences and would have a more extensive network in their career. This essay investigates both views, but I am personally inclined to the first opinion. On the one hand, workers are in the same company have opportunities in terms of both financial stability and job satisfaction. Firstly, an irregular salary has a detrimental effect on employees who owe money to a bank because of a taken loan or pay rent month by month. Therefore, concerning winnings, remarkable continuity plays a significant role in the professional business world. Moreover, having got a promotion, a staff working for the same company for many years might get a rise exponentially increasing over the years. Then, the staff is retired and has a retirement pension monthly. Secondly, when an employee has worked for the same firm for many years, this means that this person is a qualified staff for the employer and to be worker's satisfied. Because harmonious employer-employee relations are necessary for a comfortable work environment. On the other hand, according to people working for different companies, various workplaces mean unmatched experiences and a new social communication network. Psychologists express those self-reliant people cannot work for long periods in the same firm. This reveals they are in search of a new experience as they feel out of depth in their previous company. Furthermore, even though they earn a good salary, they want to get away from where they are since they think that have an unsatisfactory job. With regards to networks, they may have a wide range of colleagues and employers. To conclude, although working in different workplaces provides both experience and a wider network such as various co-workers, a lasting job at the same company brings economic prosperity and works satisfaction. We can hold on to life thanks to a regular salary and long-term business.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have various views about how much time should
be worked
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the same firm until retirement has brought benefits
materially
and
morally
, others opine that employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
would gain unparalleled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and would have a more extensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
in their career. This essay investigates both views,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am
personally
inclined to the
first
opinion.

On the one hand, workers are in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
have opportunities in terms of both financial stability and job satisfaction.
Firstly
, an irregular salary has a detrimental effect on employees who owe money to a bank
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a taken loan or pay rent month by month.
Therefore
, concerning winnings, remarkable continuity plays a significant role in the professional business world.
Moreover
, having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a promotion, a staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a rise
exponentially
increasing over the years. Then, the staff
is retired
and has a retirement pension monthly.
Secondly
, when an employee has worked for the same firm for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years, this means that this person is a qualified staff for the employer and to be worker's satisfied.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
harmonious employer-employee relations are necessary for a comfortable work environment.

On the other hand
, according to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, various workplaces mean unmatched
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and a new social communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
. Psychologists express those self-reliant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot work for long periods in the same firm. This reveals they are in search of a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
as they feel out of depth in their previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Furthermore
,
even though
they earn a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary, they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
away from where they are since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that have an unsatisfactory job.
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
, they may have a wide range of colleagues and employers.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
workplaces provides both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and a wider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
such as various co-workers, a lasting job at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
brings economic prosperity and works satisfaction. We can hold on to life thanks to a regular salary and long-term business.
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IELTS essay Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organisations.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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