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Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc.to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion Y7rB
When the topic of discussed further career prefrence there are two divided opinions. One group of people think that students had better to choose higher education in order to achieve mastery in their field; whereas, other experts deem that they ought to select skill courses such as mechenical technician, electrical and plumber. Therefor, prior of my position both cases would be discussed. Examining the firat view, most essential argument supporters put forward is that master on one sector always provide high responsible job with handsome compensate. If college childrens choose further a academic activity, they will learn more diply. consequently, expertise in particular subjects give them field job as well as satisfaction in regular activity. Apart from career benefits, further academic program provide basic stage learners to experience diversity. To elaborate, as they regular visit campus of university they meet new unique person everyday. for example, university of cambridge's master students are more knowledgeable than other college of london. On the contrary, for those who stand by the latter opinion claim that skill course are more important than study. Skill knowledge always give guarantee to earn at least normal wage, which is sufficient for life living. Another argument from them is that student debt too much money from government or their college they should pay off their loan. In order to compensate fund a d provide financial support to their family technicians jobs are far more better than study. To conclude, and offer my position i would support both points. Further education help childrens to jump on reputational seat or earn good money. while, joint technician jobs give instant earning opportunities to students. Students must keep in mind that they should regard thier financial condition.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
the topic of discussed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
further
career
Possible spelling mistake found.
prefrence
there are two divided opinions. One group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
had better to choose higher education in order to achieve mastery in their field; whereas, other experts deem that they ought to select
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
courses such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
mechenical
technician, electrical and plumber. Therefor, prior of my position both cases would
be discussed
.

Examining the
Possible spelling mistake found.
firat
view, most essential argument supporters put forward is that master on one sector always provide high responsible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with handsome compensate. If college
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
further
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
academic activity, they will learn more
Possible spelling mistake found.
diply
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consequently
, expertise
in particular
subjects give them field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as well
as satisfaction in regular activity. Apart from career benefits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
further
academic program provide basic stage learners to experience diversity. To elaborate, as they
The word "regular" is an adjective and doesn't fit in this context. Did you mean the adverb "regularly"?
regular
visit campus of university they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new unique person
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example,
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
university of cambridge
's master
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more knowledgeable than other college of
Possible spelling mistake found.
london
.
On the contrary
, for those who stand by the latter opinion claim that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
course are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than study.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Skill
knowledge always give guarantee to earn at least normal wage, which is sufficient for life living. Another argument from them is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
debt too much money from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or their college they should pay off their loan. In order to compensate fund a d provide financial support to their family technicians
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are far
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
than study.
To conclude
, and offer my position
Did you mean "I"?
i
would support both points.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Further
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
to jump on reputational seat or earn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
money.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
, joint technician
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
give instant earning opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind that they should regard
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
financial condition.

IELTS essay Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
285 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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