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Some people think that young children should be allowed to do paid work, while others think that this should be illegal. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that young children should be allowed to do paid work, while others think that this should be illegal. 52W7N
It is often believed that children should be paid for work. Others, however, think that paying a child to work should be illegal. I believe that child labour should be banned, which will be discussed in this essay. Firstly, this essay will explain the reasons for not allowing children to do paid jobs, and secondly, it will discuss why some people may be in favour of child employment. One of the reasons for child labour to be illegal is because they will be deprived of their basic educational rights if they are being paid for their work. In developing countries, poor families are reluctant to send their children to school, instead they send them to work in order to have an additional income source for their family which can be changed if child labour is banned. As a result, families remain poor and other social problems like child marriage, child pregnancy, polygamous etc. arise due to lack of education. For example, if a family sends their child to work, they will be disinterested in educating them which will make them unaware of the social problems in their lives. Therefore, developing a law against child work can be beneficial to eradicate social problems for a better nation. On the other hand, families who do not have a stable financial situation might be forced to send their children to work because they do not have the proper resources to educate them. The families might be aware of the importance of an educated nation, but they are unable to provide it for their offspring due to lack of better access to the government educational policy. For example, a family wants to send their children to school but instead they send them to work on the farm since they lack access to free education by the government. So, the poor understanding of government rights can be a reason for some people to agree with paid child jobs. In conclusion, law enforcement against paid children's labour to reduce the social problems in developing countries can improve the community and developing better awareness about educational rights to the poor citizens can encourage them to send their children to schools which will eventually increase their financial situation. I strongly believe that children should have a proper education before they can have paid work.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that
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children
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Others,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that paying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should be illegal. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
should
be banned
, which will
be discussed
in this essay.
Firstly
, this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reasons for not allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
jobs, and
secondly
, it will discuss why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may be in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
employment.

One of the reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
to be illegal is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
be deprived
of their basic educational rights if they are being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are reluctant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to school,
instead
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
send
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in order to have an additional income source for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
is banned
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
remain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
marriage,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
pregnancy, polygamous etc. arise due to lack of education.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sends
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they will
be disinterested
in educating them which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them unaware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
a law against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can be beneficial to eradicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
for a better nation.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
who do not have a stable financial situation might
be forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have the proper resources to educate them. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
might be aware of the importance of an educated nation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are unable to provide it for their offspring due to lack of better access to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
educational policy.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
send
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on the farm since they lack access to free education by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
understanding of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
rights can be a reason for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
jobs.

In conclusion
, law enforcement against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
children's
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
countries can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the community and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
better awareness about educational rights to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
citizens can encourage them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to schools which will
eventually
increase their financial situation. I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have a proper education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they can have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that young children should be allowed to do paid work, while others think that this should be illegal.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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