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SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE FOR CRIME PREVENTION WHILE OTHERS BELIEVE THAT IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE INDIVIDUALS TO PROTECT THEMSELVES. DISCUSS BOTH SIDES AND GIVE YOUR OPINION. v.3

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE FOR CRIME PREVENTION WHILE OTHERS BELIEVE THAT IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE INDIVIDUALS TO PROTECT THEMSELVES. v. 3
Opinions diverge widely on whether it is the responsibility of the government or inhabitants to prevent themselves from crimes. While some think that government plays a key role in protection, I strongly believe that people should be protective against criminals in their lives. On the one hand, I understand why some people are of the fervent conviction that the government has to prevent crime commitment. Since the government has the power to control a whole country, it is necessary and important for them to take measures seriously to ensure the safety of their citizens. Individuals, as a result, can live happily and have no fear when going out. For instance, one effective crime prevention is to impose strict punishments on dangerous criminals such as rapists, murderers, and terrorists. They can be given the death penalty or long-term imprisonment so that these offenders are separated from the community, and therefore will less likely to harm law-abiding citizens. On the other hand, I strongly believe that self-protection is more important than the government to avoid crimes. As police cannot appear everywhere on the street, people have to defend themselves in case of the presence of crimes. Criminal activities can be taken anywhere, anytime, irrespective of crowded or public places such as parks, schools, and shopping malls. Take Vietnam as a prime illustration. Recently, shoplifting and mugging have been increased significantly in this country. Such crimes often exist in shops and stores in rush hour, even when there are many people moving on the road. On account of their unawareness, lots of belongings and personal assets are robbed. For these reasons, citizens should access to self-defense by keeping their things carefully, learning karate or judo and avoiding wearing too many jewels when hanging out. In conclusion, although some people are of the opinion that the role of government can be effective in preventing crimes, I believe that people can protect themselves against criminals by taking some defenses suggested above.
Opinions diverge
widely
on whether it is the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
or inhabitants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
themselves from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
plays a key role in protection, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be protective against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the one hand, I understand why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the fervent conviction that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
commitment. Since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has the power to control a whole country, it is necessary and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them to take measures
seriously
to ensure the safety of their citizens. Individuals,
as a result
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happily
and have no fear when going out.
For instance
, one effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
prevention is to impose strict punishments on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
such as rapists, murderers, and terrorists. They can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the death penalty or long-term imprisonment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that these offenders
are separated
from the community, and
therefore
will less likely to harm law-abiding citizens.

On the other hand
, I
strongly
believe that self-protection is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. As police cannot appear everywhere on the street,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
defend themselves in case of the presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Criminal
activities can
be taken
anywhere, anytime, irrespective of crowded or public places such as parks, schools, and shopping malls. Take Vietnam as a prime illustration. Recently, shoplifting and mugging have
been increased
significantly
in this country. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
exist in shops and stores in rush hour, even when there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
moving on the road. On account of their unawareness, lots of belongings and personal assets
are robbed
. For these reasons, citizens should access to self-defense by keeping their things
carefully
, learning karate or judo and avoiding wearing too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jewels when hanging out.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can be effective in preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can protect themselves against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
defenses suggested above.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE FOR CRIME PREVENTION WHILE OTHERS BELIEVE THAT IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE INDIVIDUALS TO PROTECT THEMSELVES. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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