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Some People Think That Sports Played In Teams are Better Than Individual Sports

Some People Think That Sports Played In Teams are Better Than Individual Sports rGMr2
There are those who claim that participating in team games has major advantages than playing games alone. In my opinion, taking part in team sports teaches cooperation and ability to work together for a common goal, whereas, individual games emphasize more on competition. Those who argue that team sports have great benefits over individual sports believe that it focus more on training players to cooperate with each other and understand their decisions towards making different strategies and implying the same in the game. In addition to this, players in a team has unique talents which can be helpful for a team where others are not good enough to perform and reach out to their goals. Since every player in a team works togeher and shows their own talents and hard works to achieve a common goal results in success, which later celebrates together. However, individual sports allows player to make their own decision and be focused on their work, which creates tension to compete with the opponent. These individuals needs to be indepenedent and pay more attention towards their well-being and actions, in case if there is any injury or accident they cannot be replaced by other player as in team sports. Hence sometimes results in failure. In conclusion, although individual games promotes to work on individual's strategy and hard work to be more competitive, i think it is best to play in team games where people can get benifits from other team players and ultimately results in acheving goals together.
There are those who claim that participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has major advantages than playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
alone. In my opinion, taking part in
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team
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sports
teaches cooperation and ability to
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work
together for a common
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goal
, whereas,
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individual
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games
emphasize more on competition.

Those who argue that
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team
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sports
have great benefits over
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individual
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sports
believe that it focus more on training
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players
to cooperate with each
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other
and understand their decisions towards making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
strategies and implying the same in the game.
In addition
to this,
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players
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
has unique talents which can be helpful for a
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team
where others are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to perform and reach out to their
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goals
. Since every
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player
in a
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team
works
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togeher
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
talents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
works to achieve a common
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goal
results in success, which later celebrates together.

However
,
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individual
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sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
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player
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decision and
be focused
on their
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work
, which creates tension to compete with the opponent. These
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individuals
You should probably use "need".
needs
to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
indepenedent
and pay more attention towards their well-being and actions, in case if there is any injury or accident they cannot
be replaced
by
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other
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player
as in
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team
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sports
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
results in failure.

In conclusion
, although
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individual
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games
promotes to
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work
on individual's strategy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
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work
to be more competitive,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is best to play in
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team
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games
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake found.
benifits
from
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
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players
and
ultimately
results in
Possible spelling mistake found.
acheving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goals
together.
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IELTS essay Some People Think That Sports Played In Teams are Better Than Individual Sports

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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