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Some people think that school do not do enough to teach young people about how to look after their health. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that school do not do enough to teach young people about how to look after their health. 0RWq
It is crystal clear that, nowadays many people have to face some illnesses, because they are aware of about the knowledge regarding health. Some people consider that health related activities which are conducted by the school is not enough for young people. I fully agree with the writer's statement and the same will be discussed in the following paragraphs. First and foremost, parents should teach their children about which foods are more beneficial for our health. To elaborate more, parents can give a knowledge regarding the advantages of eating vegetables and fresh fruits to their children. Hence, they would become stronger and live longer life, because it gives them some essential vitamins and ingredients which are not only necessary for human muscles and bones, but also require for humans hair growth. For example, many parents of India keep take care of their children eating habits. Moreover they also bring vegetables and fruits from market for their children. Another point to consider is that, the government also responsible towards the health of their Countries people. they can bring some strict laws on excessive eating junk food and fast food. For example, the Government of Gujarat having a ban on drinking alcohol and eating tobacco related products. As a result, there is a least people who are suffering from dangerous diseases, such as cancer and TB. Moreover the government can broadcast some health related shows. Therefore, people can learn some activities which are profitable for their body, such as yoga and meditation. Furthermore, the authority can make some special places ranging from gym, sport stadiums to garden where countrymen do exercise and become healthy in their future life. Agglomerating all above mention points, only school is not responsible to keep youngster healthy but the government and parents are also responsible to do aware of youngster from health related problems.
It is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illnesses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are aware of about the knowledge regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
activities which
are conducted
by the school is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the writer's statement and the same will
be discussed
in the following paragraphs.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about which foods are more beneficial for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. To elaborate more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can give
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "knowledge".
a knowledge
regarding the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
vegetables and fresh fruits to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Hence
, they would become stronger and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
essential vitamins and ingredients which are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
necessary for human muscles and bones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
require for humans hair growth.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
they
also
bring vegetables and fruits from market for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Another point to consider is that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
also
responsible towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of their Countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strict laws on excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
junk food and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
of Gujarat having a ban on drinking alcohol and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
products.
As a result
, there is
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases, such as cancer and TB.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can broadcast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities which are profitable for their body, such as yoga and meditation.
Furthermore
, the authority can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special places ranging from gym, sport stadiums to garden where countrymen do exercise and become healthy in their future life. Agglomerating all above mention points,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
school is not responsible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
youngster healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
also
responsible to do aware of youngster from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
problems.
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IELTS essay Some people think that school do not do enough to teach young people about how to look after their health.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
307 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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