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Some people think that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. Others argue that happiness depends on completely on different factors. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People have different perceptions when it comes to happiness. While a few individual opine that being successful leads to happiness. Others, however, suggest that there other factors in pursuit of happiness. Personally, I think that being successful in all aspects of life is not solely the reason on attaining happiness in life. To commence with, there is no doubt that people with a good job and business have more prosperous lives than the ordinary citizens. One of the factors is they have the financial capacity to fulfill their desires and buy the things that gives them pleasure. In addition, when someone is financially stable, they can live a high standard of living. For instance, they can travel without experiencing money issues. They can also help their family to have a better quality of living. On the other hand, some people believe that factors such as good health and a great family relationship are factors that can make someone really happy. They believe that health is a pivotal constituent of happy life. In this time of pandemic, unsurprisingly people preferred to be proactive, because they can enjoy life to the fullest without being ill. Additionally, healthy relations among family members and immediate circles make people happier and relax. For instance, children feel more joyful while playing with their friends. While money can ensure materialist happiness, a poor can be happier than rich in many cases. An honest contended person can be a happy person regardless of economic status. To lead a conclusion, I would say that the role of economic success is indispensible for achieving happiness. However, other factors also a great consideration in this. Happiness comes from within, it dives along with contentment and gratitude in every achievements that a person possess. In today’s pandemic, being physical and mentality healthy are more gratifying than having a large amount of money.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perceptions when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
a few individual opine that being successful leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Others,
however
, suggest that there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
in pursuit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that being successful in all aspects of life is not
solely
the reason on attaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in life.

To commence with, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job and business have more prosperous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
than the ordinary citizens. One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
is they have the financial capacity to fulfill their desires and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the things that gives them pleasure.
In addition
, when someone is
financially
stable, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a high standard of living.
For instance
, they can travel without experiencing money issues. They can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their family to have a better quality of living.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health and a great family relationship are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
someone
really
happy. They believe that health is a pivotal constituent of happy life. In this time of pandemic,
unsurprisingly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
preferred to be proactive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can enjoy life to the fullest without being ill.
Additionally
, healthy relations among family members and immediate circles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happier and relax.
For instance
, children feel more joyful while playing with their friends. While money can ensure materialist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, a poor can be happier than rich in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases. An honest contended person can be a happy person regardless of economic status.

To lead a conclusion, I would say that the role of economic success is
Possible spelling mistake found.
indispensible
for achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
also
a great consideration in this.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from within, it dives along with contentment and gratitude in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "achievement"?
achievements
that a person possess. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s pandemic, being physical and mentality healthy are more gratifying than having a large amount of money.
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IELTS essay Some people think that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. Others argue that happiness depends on completely on different factors.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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