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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. KaX3
Activities outside home are thought to be better for children's growth than spending time on computer games. In my opinion, I partially agree with this idea from a few reasons below. Firstly, playing outside requires a number of energy, which helps physical strength of children. Outdoor is normally larger than indoor. For example, if kids play football in a park, they will run and chase a ball with fun in full power for a long period. Having a good time with other players, children are developing own muscle strength. In addition to this, they can be loud in the game. This is a merit for children to reduces stress. Also, kids learn how to build relationship with the others through activities done outside. There are so many rules we need to respect and follow. Children have greater chances to feel and experience these outside than inside because more things are likely to happen because of more different people outside and less control their parents can do. These will be a chance to think and talk about among family or/and children. On the other hand, computer games provide a certain benefit to children. This depends on what computer games they do. For instance, children can get knowledge and interest of history through a historical role-playing game based on a real historical event. This could be a great example outdoor activities can not offer to children much. In conclusion, I believe that outdoor activities have more advantages when it comes to young people's development compared to indoor video games. However, these video games have some educational benefits subject to their choice of genre of games.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
home are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be better for children's growth than spending time on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. In my opinion, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
from a few reasons below.

Firstly
, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
requires a number of energy, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
physical strength of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Outdoor is
normally
larger than indoor.
For example
, if kids play football in a park, they will run and chase a ball with fun in full power for a long period. Having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time with other players,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are developing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
muscle strength.
In addition
to this, they can be loud in the game. This is a merit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

Also
, kids learn how to build relationship with the others through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
done
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
we need to respect and follow.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
have greater chances to feel and experience these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
than inside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more things are likely to happen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
and less control their parents can do. These will be a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and talk about among family or/and children.

On the other hand
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
provide a certain benefit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This depends on what computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
they do.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge and interest of history through a historical role-playing game based on a real historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. This could be a great example outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can not offer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
much.

In conclusion
, I believe that outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have more advantages when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's development compared to indoor video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
However
, these video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
educational benefits subject to their choice of genre of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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