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Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. D

Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. D 13qN
Money is considered by many people to be one of the most important contributing factors towards happiness. In my opinion, it is possible for people to be happy even if they have little money and other aspects of life can play a more vital role in creating happiness. Although having money brings happiness to a lot of people, it does not necessarily follow that people without money are, therefore, unhappy. Take for example the comparison between developing and developed nations, most Westerners agree that people in developing countries are happier, enjoy stronger family connections, and take more pleasure in the simplicities of life to a great extent than those in developed countries. One way people can gain happiness is through their work. For instance, a teacher doing volunteer work in slum or backward areas may have little money as an income but the reward of helping people and doing the job they are good at brings happiness and harmony in their life itself. In other words, happiness can be found by using skills that people are trained for and through job satisfaction. In conclusion, money is not essential and the only influential factor for happiness, which can be found through work, simplicity, as well as family. If more people strived in life towards true happiness rather than money, the world would be a better place.
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Money
is considered
by
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many
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people
to be one of the most
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important
contributing factors towards
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happiness
. In my opinion, it is possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be happy even if they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and other aspects of
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life
can play a more vital role in creating happiness.

Although having
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money
brings
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happiness
to
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a lot of
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people
, it does not
necessarily
follow that
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people
without
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money
are,
therefore
, unhappy. Take
for example
the comparison between developing and developed nations, most Westerners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
are happier, enjoy stronger family connections, and take more pleasure in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
simplicities
of
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life
to a great extent than those in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.

One way
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people
can gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is through their work.
For instance
, a teacher doing volunteer work in slum or backward areas may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as an income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the reward of helping
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people
and doing the job they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at brings
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happiness
and harmony in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
itself.
In other words
,
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happiness
can
be found
by using
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are trained
for and through job satisfaction.

In conclusion
,
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money
is not essential and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
influential factor for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, which can
be found
through work, simplicity,
as well
as family. If more
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people
strived in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
towards true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, the world would be a better place.
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IELTS essay Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. D

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
225 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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