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Some people think that mental strength is the most important factor for success in sports. However, some others believe that it is more important to have strong and fit people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that mental strength is the most important factor for success in sports. However, some others believe that it is more important to have strong and fit people. g5AGa
These days, people have different views with regard to the question of whether mental or physical fitness is the key to achieve the games’ prize. While mental toughness is implied to be the most crucial factor, many opine that the victors had better have good physical health. From my perspective, mental power is undoubtedly a decisive element that gives a rise to success in many sorts of sports. Initially, mental prowess is expected to permit partakers to come closer to the first position in many sports competitions. People with concrete mental power tend to rarely lose their temperature, most of them could significantly remain the calmness which is a valuable factor that the winners are required to have. This accounts for the high win rate of strong-willed participants as they were definitely able to decide the outcome of a match. Furthermore, possessing a strong mentality enables people to gain a sense of confidence which motivates them to entail and overcome intense pressure the audience place on. Physical strength, on the other hand, performs as a catalyst for any individual to succeed in the sports field. As proven by some researchers, the more physical health is improved, the more wined rate that participants get. There are many instances indicating that physical fitness is more conducive to brute strength and stamina that produce persistent competence for the entrants. Additionally, physical toughness act as a deterrent for being injured during training or official competition. The participants, hence, could ensure the continuity of their performance. People with strong physical health commonly get a higher result than those who not have as they believe in themselves and are felt to ignore any pressure surround them In conclusion, although the quoted benefits have accounted for the importance of physical power, people with a strong mentality are taken for granted to achieve more worthy prizes in the sports industry.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views with regard to
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness is the key to achieve the games’ prize. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
toughness
is implied
to be the most crucial factor,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opine that the victors had better have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health. From my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
power is
undoubtedly
a decisive element that gives a rise to success in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sorts of sports.

Initially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
prowess is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to permit partakers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
closer to the
first
position in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sports competitions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
with concrete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
power tend to rarely lose their temperature, most of them could
significantly
remain the calmness which is a valuable factor that the winners
are required
to have. This accounts for the high win rate of strong-willed participants as they were definitely able to decide the outcome of a match.
Furthermore
, possessing a strong mentality enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gain a sense of confidence which motivates them to entail and overcome intense pressure the audience place on.

Physical strength,
on the other hand
, performs as a catalyst for any individual to succeed in the sports field. As proven by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researchers, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
, the more wined rate that participants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
instances indicating that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness is more conducive to brute strength and stamina that produce persistent competence for the entrants.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
toughness act as a deterrent for
being injured
during training or official competition. The participants,
hence
, could ensure the continuity of their performance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
with strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher result than those who not have as they believe in themselves and
are felt
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
any pressure surround
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
them


In conclusion
, although the quoted benefits have accounted for the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
power,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a strong mentality
are taken
for granted to achieve more worthy prizes in the sports industry.
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IELTS essay Some people think that mental strength is the most important factor for success in sports. However, some others believe that it is more important to have strong and fit people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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