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The amount of sport shown on the televisions every week has increased significantly and this is having an impact on love sports event

The amount of sport shown on the televisions every week has increased significantly and this is having an impact on love sports event pRaJ2
These days, the popularity of sports programs on televisions is referred to as contributing to persons' entertaining activities and some people believe that this practice will make negative effects on live sporting activities. As a matter of fact, the beneficial aspects of sports channels on TV are undeniable; the rationale that it is perceived as making individuals ignore to set their foot in the real site to enjoy competitive matches. This essay will examine both two perspectives so as to know what the aspect is more prominent. On the upside, the contributions of sporting programs on television to human life are highly appreciated. To be more specific, today, many individuals are too busy to use their time budget for watching their favourite football players or athletes playing in the stadium, whereby many of them choose the solution to enjoy sport at home- an effective way to save time from movement and expenses from expensive tickets. In this situation, the watchers are able to view the broadcast sporting tournament again at anytime they want, thereby helping them maintain their passion for sport. In addition, the more persons love sport programs televised every day, TV programmers will increase their revenues thanks to advertising products as well as introducing the images of famous athletes, which means that these supporters would have more essential aid to sports activities developed in communities and encourage more persons choose sport as a potential career. On the downside, the side-effects of televised sport ought not to be overlooked. Initially, not least persons have become hooked on sports and they are willing to spend most of their time watching contests or matches. So this passive activity can be the primary agent of numerous health problems such as obesity, eye illnesses, and so on; more seriously, the youth is likely to face difficulties in their learning by the reason of their hobbies of viewing sports channels for entertainment. For another concern, unfair-play images or scenes which are broadcast on TV regularly are the cause of negative or violent behaviours among the younger generations, and this prevents sports from being favourable in public. As mentioned above, I can draw a conclusion that there have been numerous disadvantages from watching televised sport if we do not have a good perception about the benefits of sports. Accordingly, once each individual is able to spend time viewing sport events on Tv logically, sports news can provide lots of advantages to the viewers.
These days, the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
programs on televisions
is referred
to as contributing to persons' entertaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this practice will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. As a matter of fact, the beneficial aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
channels on TV are undeniable; the rationale that it
is perceived
as making individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
to set their foot in the real site to enjoy competitive matches. This essay will examine both two perspectives
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
know what the aspect is more prominent.

On the upside, the contributions of sporting programs on television to human life are
highly
appreciated. To be more specific,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals are too busy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
budget for watching their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
football players or athletes playing in the stadium, whereby
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them choose the solution to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
at home- an effective way to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
from movement and expenses from expensive tickets. In this situation, the watchers are able to view the broadcast sporting tournament again at anytime they want, thereby helping them maintain their passion for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
In addition
, the more persons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
programs televised every day, TV programmers will increase their revenues thanks to advertising products
as well
as introducing the images of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
athletes, which means that these supporters would have more essential aid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
developed in communities and encourage more persons choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as a potential career.

On the downside, the
Did you mean "side effects" (=adverse effect, unintended consequence)? Open compounds are not hyphenated.
side-effects
of televised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
ought not to
be overlooked
.
Initially
, not
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
persons have become hooked on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sports and
they are willing to spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching contests or matches.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
can be the primary agent of numerous health problems such as obesity, eye illnesses, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on; more
seriously
, the youth is likely to face difficulties in their learning by the reason of their hobbies of viewing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
channels for entertainment. For another concern, unfair-play images or scenes which are broadcast on TV
regularly
are the cause of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
or violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
among the younger generations, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
from being
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
in public.

As mentioned above, I can draw a conclusion that there have been numerous disadvantages from watching televised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
if we do not have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
perception about the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Accordingly
, once each individual is able to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
viewing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
logically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
news can provide lots of advantages to the viewers.
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IELTS essay The amount of sport shown on the televisions every week has increased significantly and this is having an impact on love sports event

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
408 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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