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Some people think that job satisfaction is the most important factor when looking for a job. Others think that having job security is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believes that job comfort is the vital factor while searching for a job. On the other hand, people said that job security is more important than other things like salary and comfort. Firstly, I will discuss about importance of job satisfaction. Secondly, I will explain benefits of secured employment. To begin with, comfortable job is the most important phenomenon for any employee. If they feel happy and satisfied with their work, it will definitely improve their intellectual abilities and beneficial for personal development. There are so many people who quiet job because of unsatisfactory working pattern. But after some struggle they get their dream jobs, where they feels motivated and satisfied. Additionally, satisfied employees are very beneficial for industry because they give their 100% effort and time to them. In 2019, Cambridge University reveal numbers that total 80% of top company provides friendly and flexible environment, and because of this type of environment they get more output from their employees. On the other hand, job security is an important factor for workers. If any person feel that their job will be remain same as he have now, he can work very hard and always be loyal to their office. Job security provide stress free and relax environment for their employees. For instance, government employees work very hard and give 100% output. Recently, Times of India newspaper shows data about job security in Gujarat state. They mentioned that 90% of workers feel secured and relaxed which improved their work efficiency. To sum up, as I mentioned before job security is very important factor for workers, but job satisfaction is very valuable characteristic then others. If employees feel self motivated and satisfied with their work, they can give desired output to the company. That's why I personally believe that in any organization job satisfaction is the only vital factor.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
believes
that
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job
comfort is the vital
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factor
while searching for a
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job
. On the
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other
hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
said that
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job
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security
is more
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important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things like salary and comfort.
Firstly
, I will
Did you mean simply “discuss importance”? You do not need the word “about” here.
discuss about importance
of
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job
satisfaction.
Secondly
, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
benefits of secured employment.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, comfortable
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job
is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
phenomenon for any
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employee
. If they
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feel
happy and satisfied with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, it will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their intellectual abilities and beneficial for personal development. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who quiet
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job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unsatisfactory working pattern.
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But
after
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some
struggle they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their dream
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jobs
, where they
The pronoun ‘they’ must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: “feel”
feels
motivated and satisfied.

Additionally
, satisfied
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employees
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for industry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they give their 100% effort and time to them. In 2019, Cambridge University reveal numbers that total 80% of top
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
provides friendly and flexible environment, and
because of this
type of environment they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more output from their employees.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
for workers. If any person
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feel
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will be
Consider using the past participle “remained”.
remain
same as he
The pronoun ‘he’ is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: “has”, “had”.
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, he can
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work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and always be loyal to their office.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
provide
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
stress free
and relax environment for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and give 100% output. Recently, Times of India newspaper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
data about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
in Gujarat state. They mentioned that 90% of workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
secured and relaxed which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiency.

To sum up, as I mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
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job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
for workers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
valuable characteristic then others. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
self motivated
and satisfied with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they can give desired output to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. That's why I
personally
believe that in any organization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that job satisfaction is the most important factor when looking for a job. Others think that having job security is more important.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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