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Some People Think That Having A Set Retirement Age For Everybody, Regardless Of Occupation, Is Unfair

Some People Think That Having A Set Retirement Age For Everybody, Regardless Of Occupation, Is Unfair ORDwG
is believed by a segment of society that a fixed age of retirement for each profession is unjustifiable and some professionals should be entitled to get retirement earlier than others. I, personally, support this statement and recommend that army personnel and people working in mines and factories should get the benefit of early retirement. It is an undeniable fact that different jobs require different abilities in terms of intellectual capacity and physical strength; therefore, the same retirement age for all professionals is an unfair criterion. Also, many professions demand more personal sacrifices than others. Our armed forces are a good example of this. They have to work in extremely dangerous and hazardous conditions where there is always a threat to life and their families cannot accompany them. Thus, to fulfill this emptiness, servicemen should be granted an early superannuation. The second occupation in this line is of miners and factories workers. As we are aware working in mines causes many health problems such as Asthma and Respiratory disorders because the coal dust and other minute particles which arise from minerals in mines are inhaled by the workforce inside and get deposited in their lungs. Thus, their working span should be decreased, so that they can be prevented from getting infected with fatal diseases. Further, working in factories needs a lot of physical efforts. As people age, they cannot put in the required amount of effort to perform their duty. Due to this fact, people working in factories should be retired early. To conclude, it can be said that before setting the retirement age, the nature of work should be identified. I completely agree with the argument that people performing jobs that require high levels of intellectual sharpness and physical strength deserve early retirement.
is
believed by a segment of society that a
fixed
age
of
retirement
for each profession is unjustifiable and
some
professionals should
be entitled
to
get
retirement
earlier than others. I,
personally
, support this statement and recommend that army personnel and
people
working
in mines and
factories
should
get
the benefit of early retirement.

It is an undeniable fact that
different
jobs require
different
abilities in terms of intellectual capacity and physical strength;
therefore
, the same
retirement
age
for all professionals is an unfair criterion.
Also
,
many
professions demand more personal sacrifices than others. Our armed forces are a
good
example of this. They
have to
work in
extremely
dangerous
and hazardous conditions where there is always a threat to life and their families cannot accompany them.
Thus
, to fulfill this emptiness, servicemen should
be granted
an early superannuation.

The second occupation in this line is of miners and
factories
workers. As we are aware
working
in mines causes
many
health problems such as Asthma and Respiratory disorders
because
the coal dust and other minute particles which arise from minerals in mines
are inhaled
by the workforce inside and
get
deposited in their lungs.
Thus
, their
working
span should
be decreased
,
so
that they can be
prevented
from getting infected with fatal diseases.
Further
,
working
in
factories
needs
a lot of
physical efforts. As
people
age
, they cannot put in the required amount of effort to perform their duty. Due to this fact,
people
working
in
factories
should
be retired
early.

To conclude
, it can
be said
that
before
setting the
retirement
age
, the nature of work should
be identified
. I completely
agree
with the argument that
people
performing jobs that require high levels of intellectual sharpness and physical strength deserve early
retirement
.
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IELTS essay Some People Think That Having A Set Retirement Age For Everybody, Regardless Of Occupation, Is Unfair

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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