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Some people think that hard work helps in achieving financial success while others think it is not the only thing that contributes to financial success. Discuss both views and give your opinion

It is a common belief that financial success comes to people, who work hard for it. Although, another popular opinion is that intensive performance is not the main factor and the reason for prosperity. This essay will look into both opinions and provide the reasons, why it leans towards the first one, although each position is supported by some strong justifications and examples. On the one hand, it is a well-known fact, that the individuals, who dedicate themselves to intensive work to be financially stable are the ones most likely to succeed. A good illustration of this is the autobiographies of the richest people in the world and the top-listers of the Forbes magazine. For example, the owner of the Tesla company and a person ranked the second richest in the world – Elon Musk has admitted that he dedicated almost ninety per cent of his awake life to the various projects and ventures, such as his aerospace company SpaceX, planning to launch the world’s first commercial mission to populate the Mars. The entrepreneur also states that the key factors of his wealthiness are the strong focus and amount of time and effort, that he spends on his businesses. On the other hand, the second part of this debate claims that hard work is not a single reason for prosperity. For instance, there are plenty of examples of people becoming rich without putting a lot of effort into it. This is illustrated by numerous lottery winners, who make their fortune by purchasing one single lottery ticket, proving that simple luck is the reason for tremendous success. Another significant example, supporting the idea, are social media bloggers. The Kardashians family is reported to accumulate one of the top family incomes of the USA, by just living their hedonistic lives and demonstrating it on social media. The public is enriching the Kardashians by watching their videos and clicking the likes on their posts. Clearly, both opinions have a right to exist as they have some strong examples to support, nevertheless, I am more convinced that personal effort, dedication and focus bring the most success to the individual.
It is a common belief that financial success
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for it. Although, another popular opinion is that intensive performance is not the main factor and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for prosperity. This essay will look into both opinions and provide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, why it leans towards the
first
one, although each position
is supported
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strong justifications and examples.

On the one hand, it is a well-known fact, that the individuals, who dedicate themselves to intensive work to be
financially
stable are the ones most likely to succeed. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is the autobiographies of the richest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the world and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
top-listers
of the Forbes magazine. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, the owner of the Tesla
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and a person ranked the second richest in the world
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
Elon Musk has admitted that he dedicated almost ninety per cent of his awake life to the various projects and ventures, such as his aerospace
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
SpaceX, planning to launch the world’s
first
commercial mission to populate the Mars. The entrepreneur
also
states that the key factors of his wealthiness are the strong focus and amount of time and effort, that he spends on his businesses.

On the other hand
, the second part of this debate claims that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work is not a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for prosperity.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
becoming rich without putting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort into it. This
is illustrated
by numerous lottery winners, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their fortune by purchasing one single lottery ticket, proving that simple luck is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for tremendous success. Another significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, supporting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, are social media bloggers. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kardashians
family
is reported
to accumulate one of the top family incomes of the USA, by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
living their hedonistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and demonstrating it on social media. The public is enriching the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kardashians
by watching their videos and clicking the likes on their posts.

Clearly
, both opinions have a right to exist as they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
to support,
nevertheless
, I am more convinced that personal effort, dedication and focus bring the most success to the individual.
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IELTS essay Some people think that hard work helps in achieving financial success while others think it is not the only thing that contributes to financial success. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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