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some people think that government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere to what extent do you agree with this view

some people think that government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere to what extent do you agree with this view yXDKD
My point view, in the statement that government is wasting money on the arts and that money could be better spent elsewhere. On this essay will provide examples to substantiate the position being taken. It will finish by drawing together these insights and providing a reasoned and balanced conclusion, that is relevant to the position. I have taken, in answering this question. Firstly, one reasons why I disagree because art is important in our life. The people have ability to think and they want to transfer this emotion by art. For example paint, music…. The government should to think about this people and to build for them places where they can share with others. Furthermore, they are people gain money just from this art so is not good to think just in one side. Secondly, I agree with the statement in order to the government think about other thing is more important for people like hospital, school, park …… If we think about people, they suffer concer or other sickness every person if there health is not good they can leave in safe so they need more hospitals and more pharmacy. Also about school the government should to build more schools where the kids they can educate especially the education is very important in our life. Furthermore, if they make more space for people to do more park for activities because they are people they suffer from stress and they don’t have places to go so they prefer to take fresh air. This essay has provided four example about why government should to spend money. In my opinion I’m agree because we should not to forget people who like art. Moreover, I disagree because they are more thing important and should to take first step.
My point view, in the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could be better spent elsewhere. On this essay will provide examples to substantiate the position
being taken
. It will finish by drawing together these insights and providing a reasoned and balanced conclusion,
that is
relevant to the position. I have taken, in answering this question.

Firstly
, one reasons why I disagree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in our life. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have ability to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
think and
they want to transfer this emotion by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
For example
paint, music…. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and to build for them places where they can share with others.
Furthermore
, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in one side.

Secondly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement in order to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about other thing is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like hospital, school, park …… If we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they suffer
Possible spelling mistake found.
concer
or other sickness every person if
Please check whether a verb is missing here or whether 'there' should be 'their'.
there health
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
in safe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they need more hospitals and more pharmacy.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
about school the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should to build more schools where the kids they can educate
especially
the education is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in our life.
Furthermore
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more space for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do more park for activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they suffer from
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
stress and
they don’t have places to go
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they prefer to take fresh air.

This essay has provided four example about why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In my opinion I’m
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we should not to forget
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
Moreover
, I disagree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more thing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
and should to take
first
step.
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IELTS essay some people think that government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere to what extent do you agree with this view

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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