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Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others disagree. Discuss both views

People loves adventure and the feeling of threats. There is an argument about risky sports, should the government allow it or not. This essay will discuss both opinions with relevant examples. First of all, do the fact of risky sports can harm people some people assist that the government should banned them. One of these sports is sky diving, sky diving is very dangerous and the person who jumped from the plane might die. Climbing is also one of the highest risk sports, for instance, record just there have been over 280 deaths on the Everest mountain. Doing this sports is almost the same action of suicide. Thus, people are afraid of their children and their beloved lives. On the contrary, some others think that the person is free and responsible to choose what to do. People should have all responsibilities of their own decisions and do whatever they want as long as they are not hurting others. However, the person who love risky support would be mature enough and know about the sequences and safety instructions. In other words, it doesn’t make sense that people would be punished or banned of doing their hobby even though they didn’t hurt anyone. In inclusion, no doubt that dangerous sports are high risky and people have the right to be afraid of them. But on the other hand people should have their freedom to be responsible about their own decisions. Personally I think that, people should have all the right to do whatever they want if they didn’t hurt others and have all the information regard what they do.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
loves
adventure and the feeling of threats. There is an argument about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, should the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
it or not. This essay will discuss both opinions with relevant examples.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, do the fact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assist that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
The modal verb ‘should’ requires the verb’s base form.
banned
them. One of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
This is normally spelled as one word.
sky diving
,
This is normally spelled as one word.
sky diving
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and the person who jumped from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
. Climbing is
also
one of the highest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
for instance
, record
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
there have been over 280 deaths on the Everest mountain. Doing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is almost the same action of suicide.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are afraid of their children and their beloved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the person is free and responsible to choose what to do.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should have all responsibilities of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions and do whatever they want as long as they are not hurting others.
However
, the person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risky
support would be mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and know about the sequences and safety instructions. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, it doesn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sense that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
be punished
or banned of doing their hobby
even though
they didn’t hurt anyone.

In inclusion, no doubt that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risky
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the right to be afraid of them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have their freedom to be responsible about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions.
Personally
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have all the right to do whatever they want if they didn’t hurt others and have all the information regard what they do.
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IELTS essay Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others disagree. Discuss both views

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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