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some people think that children's free time must include educational activities otherwise they will waste their time. what is you opinion?

In the modern era, it is difficult to get free time for adults who are working. However, children who are studying can have much leisure time. It is a contentious issue whether children should perform educational practices or should do other extra acticities beside education. This essay shall bring my view points with some examples in the upcoming sections. To commence a discussion, it is the nesessity of children to study in a proficient manner in order to get good scores in academics, which can help them to get a job that will make them self dependent as well as successful. However in between getting perfect in studies children are ignoring other activities that they van perform in their free time. There are several things that a child can do to be more active and fit or attain good level of health including physical and mental health. For instance, activites like performing any kind of art from sketching, dancing, singing and playing sports. One can do sketching while listing to faviourite music. which will surely help them to get rid of stress and anxiety. They are suffering owing to hard studies. Moreover, children will feelmuch relaxed and refreshed. Furthermore, it is essiential to perform extra curricular activities for students to get a space from pressure of sttudies. An individual can play sports in order to gain absolute fitness level. Moreove, playing sports games can benefit them in many aspects. To examplify, playing of sports gives the further opportunities to enhance their level and skills as well. In addition, it makes people more social as many events and competetions are organised nearly every week. To consider, another point is that meeting new persons everyday can enhance one's knowledge. For instance, joining community classes or to participate in open seminars regards to their interest will be absolutely knowledgeable for them. To add on, childern can also work on their skills and talents to be more a good performer. lesiure time can be used for both bad and good activities. It is profitable to involve in a activity that will be beneifical for an individual. Taking everything into consideration, it is paramount importance of students to achive good score in academics. However, children should not neglect other activites other than study in their leisure time in order to get smooth running life and development within themselves.
In the modern era, it is difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for adults who are working.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are studying can have much leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It is a contentious issue whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should perform educational practices or should do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
extra
Possible spelling mistake found.
acticities
beside education. This essay shall bring my view points with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples in the upcoming sections.

To commence a discussion, it is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
nesessity
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in a proficient manner in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
scores in academics, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
self dependent
as well
as successful.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
in between getting perfect in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are ignoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that they van perform in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. There are several things that a child can do to be more active and fit or attain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
level of health including physical and mental health.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
like performing any kind of art from sketching, dancing, singing and playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. One can do sketching while listing to
Possible spelling mistake found.
faviourite
music.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
which
will
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety. They are suffering owing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
Possible spelling mistake found.
feelmuch
relaxed and refreshed.

Furthermore
, it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
essiential
to perform
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a space from pressure of
Possible spelling mistake found.
sttudies
. An individual can play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in order to gain absolute fitness level.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Moreove
, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
games can benefit them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
examplify
, playing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
gives the
further
opportunities to enhance their level and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
.
In addition
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more social as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
competetions
are
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organised’ is British English.
organised
nearly
every week. To consider, another point is that meeting new persons
‘Everyday’ is an adjective. Did you mean “every day”?
everyday
can enhance one's knowledge.
For instance
, joining community classes or to participate in open seminars regards to their interest will be
absolutely
knowledgeable for them. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
on,
Possible spelling mistake found.
childern
can
also
work on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and talents to be more a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
performer.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
lesiure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. It is profitable to involve in
Use “an” instead of ‘a’ if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘an article’, ‘an hour’.
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
that will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
beneifical
for an individual.

Taking everything into consideration, it is paramount importance of students to
Possible spelling mistake found.
achive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
score in academics.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not neglect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
smooth running life and development within themselves.
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IELTS essay some people think that children's free time must include educational activities otherwise they will waste their time. what is you opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
393 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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