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Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. 62lW
No one can deny the importance of arts in demonstrating a nation’s culture. There is a group of people who argue that teaching arts in school programs is essential while others disagree. In my opinion, children must have wide access to artistic activities since early ages. But why? Firstly, it is known that during early years of childhood, our ability to learn is higher. Young children can learn faster in comparison with adults. Their brain can absorb so many information just like a sponge absorbs moisture. Therefore, it is logically admitted that in order to have better prepared young generation, we need to empower our children since they are young, even from the age 3 or 4. Secondly, experiencing different areas of focus such as arts, science, technology, etc. can work as a good indicator for parents and education system to determine which abilities are stronger in which children and what are our children’s talents. Later on, both parents and schools can take approaches in order to strengthen these skills so that the next generation can live a better and more prosperous life. School programs are the best opportunities where children can find out whether they are gifted in literature, dance, theater or music. Also, even if art is not going to become our children’s profession, it is always useful to have some healthy hobbies growing old. Having interest in playing instruments or writing stories, can improve our creativity as well as they can help to reduce anxiety throughout our professional life. How many nights we could calm ourselves down and release the routine work day stresses by playing piano or writing down our feelings as a short story? To conclude, in my opinion, having arts subjects in school not only is beneficial, but essential in order to raise a better generation and a better life for our beloved children.
No one can deny the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
in demonstrating a nation’s culture. There is a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who argue that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
programs is essential while others disagree. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have wide access to artistic activities since early ages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
why?

Firstly
, it
is known
that during early years of childhood, our ability to learn is higher. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn faster
in comparison
with adults. Their brain can absorb
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible agreement error. The noun information seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much information", "a good deal of information".
many information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like a sponge absorbs moisture.
Therefore
, it is
logically
admitted that in order to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
prepared young generation, we need to empower our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
since they are young, even from the age 3 or 4.

Secondly
, experiencing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas of focus such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, science, technology, etc. can work as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
indicator for parents and education system to determine which abilities are stronger in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and what are our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
talents. Later on, both parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can take approaches in order to strengthen these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
next
generation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and more prosperous life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
programs are the best opportunities where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can find out whether they
are gifted
in literature, dance, theater or music.

Also
, even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is not going to become our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
profession, it is always useful to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
healthy hobbies growing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. Having interest in playing instruments or writing stories, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our creativity
as well
as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
anxiety throughout our professional life. How
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nights we could calm ourselves down and release the routine work day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
by playing piano or writing down our feelings as a short story?

To conclude
, in my opinion, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
subjects in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is beneficial,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
essential in order to raise a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
generation and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
life for our beloved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.

IELTS essay Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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