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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults

There is no doubt that to compete is an essential quality in children and should be motivated, I believe that cooperation is a more important trait which guides them to become more useful individuals and adults. Those who advocate that a sense of competition in children is important and should be motivated further, may argue that it instills in them a sense of purpose. For instance, on a sports day, students with a spirit to compete will put in their best efforts to win a running race, caring least about their friends or peers. This is because they focus only on their goal and the means to achieve it. As a result, it helps them to conquer any obstacle in their path to victory. However, I would argue that cooperation is a more beneficial attribute, which should be taught to children. This is because it makes the person more inclusive and open to give a helping hand to others. It helps an individual rise above all barriers and unite with others to promote mutual well-being. For example, a child who is co-operative will help his friends with homework and exam preparations, rather than being selfish to attain the highest grade himself/herself and denying to help others. Moreover, being co-operative helps one to become a better individual, by sharing everyone’s joys and sorrows and helping people to rise up when they face hurdles. In conclusion, although a competitive spirit gives one a sense of purpose and achievement, a co-operative student and adult gives back more to society by helping and becoming caring individuals, and I believe that the foundation of the human society lies on co-operation.
There is no doubt that to compete is an essential quality in children and should
be motivated
, I believe that cooperation is a more
important
trait which guides them to

become
more useful
individuals
and adults.

Those who advocate that a sense of competition in children is
important
and should

be
motivated
further
, may argue that it instills in them a sense of purpose. For

instance, on a sports day, students with a spirit to compete will put in their best

efforts
to win a running race, caring least about their friends or peers. This is
because


they
focus
only
on their goal and the means to achieve it.
As a result
, it
helps
them
to


conquer
any obstacle in their path to victory.

However
, I would argue that cooperation is a more beneficial attribute, which should

be
taught to children. This is
because
it
makes
the person more inclusive and open
to


give
a helping hand to others. It
helps
an
individual
rise
above all
barriers and
unite


with
others to promote mutual well-being.
For example
, a child who is
co-operative


will
help
his friends with homework and exam preparations,
rather
than being selfish

to
attain the highest grade himself/herself and denying to
help
others.
Moreover
,

being co-operative
helps
one to become a better
individual
, by sharing everyone’s

joys
and sorrows and helping
people
to rise up when they face hurdles.

In conclusion
, although a competitive spirit gives one a sense of purpose and

achievement, a co-operative student and adult gives back more to society by helping

and becoming caring
individuals
, and I believe that the foundation of the human

society
lies on co-operation.
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IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults

Essay
  American English
21 paragraphs
275 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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