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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. MJJ6
Today debates about whether children should be taught to compete or cooperate in life is a hot potato. I strongly believe that both competition and cooperation are important, furthermore, I think that the most essential thing children should learn is when they need to compete and when cooperate. On the one hand, competition is a vital skill in life. Children have to compete to excel in studies or win a sport competition. This will be useful in adult life. For example, if people want a promotion or make their business more profitable, they need to compete with colleagues or businessmens to achieve their goal. However, at the same time to be successful in a career or business person also should cooperate with coworkers or subordinates. On the other hand, there are a number of fields where cooperation is necessary to succeed: team sports such as football or hockey, group assignments in school/university and teamwork on big projects at work. For instance, during tests or experiments based on scientific research scientists need to work as a team to contribute to society as it was for creating a vaccine against COVID-19. In addition, there are a number of situations when children should cooperate and compete simultaneously: team sport games where kids should cooperate with members of their team to compete with another team or in the future they could work in company and cooperate with coworkers to beat competitors. World today demands to be competitive and cooperative at the same time, which means that competition and cooperation go hand in hand. To sum up children should learn both, how to compete as well as cooperate with others, and more importantly, they must know where and when in life they have to apply these.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
debates about whether
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children
should
be taught
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compete
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperate
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is a hot potato. I
strongly
believe that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
and cooperation are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
furthermore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the most essential thing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn is when they need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compete
and when
The conjunction "when" requires the past participle "cooperated", or did you mean "you cooperate"?
cooperate
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is a vital
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compete
to excel in studies or win a sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
. This will be useful in adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want a promotion or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their business more profitable, they need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compete
with colleagues or
Possible spelling mistake found.
businessmens
to achieve their goal.
However
, at the same time to be successful in a career or business person
also
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperate
with coworkers or subordinates.

On the other hand
, there are a number of fields where cooperation is necessary to succeed:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
sports such as football or hockey, group assignments in school/university and teamwork on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
projects at work.
For instance
, during
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
or experiments based on scientific research scientists need to work as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
to contribute to society as it was for creating a vaccine against COVID-19.

In addition
, there are a number of situations when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperate
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compete
simultaneously
:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
sport games where kids should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperate
with members of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compete
with another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
or in the future they could work in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperate
with coworkers to beat competitors. World
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
demands to be competitive and cooperative at the same time, which means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
and cooperation go hand in hand.

To sum up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn both, how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compete
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperate
with others, and more
importantly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know where and when in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
apply these.
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IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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