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Some people think children should study at school and other think they should study at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think children should study at school and other think they should study at home. m19xd
Nowadays, people are getting more concerns about education. Education can be divided into 2 types, which are joining school and homeschool. It has been argued that children should attend schoolhouse, whilst others say it is better to study at home. This essay agrees that kids should join the conventional school. Firstly, it is easier to discipline students with bad behaviour. Secondly, it can improve social skill. The main benefit of attending school is that teacher has the power to manage the pupils. This means that children with have bad attitudes can be insisted to follow the rules. It is can not be implemented if it is a homeschool method. For example, learning at home create the kids' sense that it is their area not teacher's. So, a teacher does not have entitlement over this territory. Eventually, a lecturer can not enforce the regulations. While, in an educational institution, pupils do not have the power to act as liberal as they could at home. Thus, it is easier for a lecturer to enforce the rules, which leads the children to understand how to live in a society. Another benefit is that kids have the opportunity to improve their social skill. Since conventional schoolhouse consists of many participants that come from different backgrounds, kids can learn how to make friends with others, and the most important thing is that they can learn about tolerance and respect to their mates. For example,  a girl, which comes from Moslem's family, can not touch a boy. Furthermore, a boy student, which come from other beliefs, can learn to not give her or any Moslem girl a shakehand. However, they can use another method, such as smiling to greet that girl. In this term, they still improve their social skills by respecting other cultures. In conclusion, I would like to reiterate my belief that study at school has benefits that can be useful for children in the future. Thence, in my honest opinion, learning at schoolhouse is a great choice rather than choosing a home schooling.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are getting more concerns about education. Education can
be divided
into 2 types, which are joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and homeschool. It has
been argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should attend schoolhouse, whilst others say it is better to study at home. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that kids should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Firstly
, it is easier to discipline students with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Secondly
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.

The main benefit of attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is that teacher has the power to manage the pupils. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
attitudes can be
The usual collocation for "insisted" is "on" not "to". Did you mean "insisted on following"?
insisted to follow
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. It is
Consider using a past participle here: "canned".
can
not
be implemented
if it is a
The word 'homeschool' is not a noun. Did you mean "home school"?
homeschool
 method.
For example
, learning at home create the kids' sense that it is their area not teacher's.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, a teacher does not have entitlement over this territory.
Eventually
, a lecturer can not enforce the regulations. While, in an educational institution, pupils do not have the power to act as liberal as they could at home.
Thus
, it is easier for a lecturer to enforce the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, which leads the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to understand how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a society.

Another benefit is that kids have the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. Since conventional schoolhouse consists of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
participants that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds, kids can learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends with others, and the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is that they can learn about tolerance and respect to their mates.
For example
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
a girl, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Moslem
's family, can not touch a boy.
Furthermore
, a boy student, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
beliefs, can learn to not give her or any
Possible spelling mistake found.
Moslem
girl a
Possible spelling mistake found.
shakehand
.
However
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
another method, such as smiling to greet that girl. In this term, they
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by respecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures.

In conclusion
, I would like to reiterate my belief that study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has benefits that can be useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the future. Thence, in my honest opinion, learning at schoolhouse is a great choice
rather
than choosing a
This word is normally spelled as one.
home schooling
.
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IELTS essay Some people think children should study at school and other think they should study at home.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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