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Some people thing that work is the only important part of their life. But some people who are more enthusiastic about their hobbies and lesiure interest in their jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people thing that work is the only important part of their life. But some people who are more enthusiastic about their hobbies and lesiure interest in their jobs. e3G6J
Nowadays, importance of work is becoming debatable as some masses prefer work as the most important part in their life but some give importance to their hobbies rather than their jobs. I think both have negative and positive impacts which are discussed further in the essay. To begin with, there are people who prefer work as the most vital thing in life to fulfill their dreams, to earn for their families but in this time they forget their hobbies, their likes-dislikes, even some don’t give time to their families also. But to fulfill their dreams, for the better earnings they prefer work as most essential. For instance, mothers provide their whole time to their family but they don’t get time to enjoy their hobbies. Even they finish their interests due to their families. On the other hand, there are some people who are more enthusiastic about their hobbies and have not much interest in their jobs. This is because they want to enjoy their interest. As, they don’t want to finish their hobbies due to work. But, this can be also harmful for their future as if they will not work properly they can be removed from their particular job. Then there will be money problem. In conclusion, in my opinion there should be a equal time given to their hobbies and work. They should not give up with their interest. Work is important in life but they should get some free time to see their happiness.
Nowadays, importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is becoming debatable as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
masses prefer
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work
as the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in their life
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but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
give importance to their
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hobbies
rather
than their jobs. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
both have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
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positive
impacts which
are discussed
further
in the essay. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as the most vital thing in life to fulfill their dreams, to earn for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they forget their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
, their likes-dislikes, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
don’t give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
also
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
to fulfill their dreams, for the better earnings they prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as most essential.
For instance
, mothers provide their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
. Even they finish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are more enthusiastic about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and have not much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in their jobs. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
, they don’t want to finish their
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hobbies
due to
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work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, this can be
also
harmful for their future as if they will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
properly
they can
be removed
from their particular job. Then there will be money problem.
In conclusion
, in my opinion there should be
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. They should not give up with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their happiness.
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IELTS essay Some people thing that work is the only important part of their life. But some people who are more enthusiastic about their hobbies and lesiure interest in their jobs.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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