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Some people say they student should live in dormitory but. Other claim that they may choose where they want. What extent agree or disagree

Some people say they student should live in dormitory but. Other claim that they may choose where they want. What extent agree or disagree 9YJWX
Nowadays in every universities have dormitory buildings for students it is very good way to living. However some people don't support it because everyone has the right to live in any way and also in dormitory don't have enough convenience. That is why I totally disagree with this opinion. To begin with, living in the dormitory at the current time doesn't safety. If they live wherever they want this is great for their's lifestyle not only for students and also for parents. For instance, parents can regulate them care for them constantly remind about lesson time, feed them. Moreover, the biggest problem in hostels is food and not getting along with. On the other hand, if students live in dormitory they makes many friend, she leaves his parents' care and steps into an independent life. Furthermore, they may go anywhere without asking permission from anyone. Students learn to get along with each other, be ready to help. Finally, living in a dormitory gives students the opportunity to ask for help each other if something not clear on the lecture presented in class. To sum up, every student can have their personal preferences and should decide what suits them best. I would prefer living with my family members in my own house
Nowadays in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "university"?
universities
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitory
buildings for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
don't support it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone has the right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in any way and
also
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitory
don't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
convenience.
That is
why I
totally
disagree with this opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitory
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
time doesn't safety. If they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
wherever they want this is great for
Did you mean "their" or "theirs"?
their's
lifestyle not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
also
for parents.
For instance
, parents can regulate them care for them
constantly
remind about lesson time, feed them.
Moreover
, the biggest problem in hostels is food and not getting along with.

On the other hand
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitory
they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "make"
makes
Possible agreement error. The noun friend seems to be countable; consider using: "many friends".
many friend
, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
his parents' care and steps into an independent life.
Furthermore
, they may go anywhere without asking permission from anyone.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with each other, be ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitory
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each other if something not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
on the lecture presented in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

To sum up, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can have their personal preferences and should decide what suits them best. I would prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with my family members in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
house
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IELTS essay Some people say they student should live in dormitory but. Other claim that they may choose where they want. What extent agree or disagree

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
210 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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