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Some people say the Olympic Games do not have a role to play in the 21st century. To extent your agree or disagree?

Some people say the Olympic Games do not have a role to play in the 21st century. To extent your agree or disagree? 856xw
The past several decades have witnessed the dramatic development of the Olympic Games which have been prevailing globally and enjoying a wide rage of fans. However, some people insist that the Olympic Games no longer play an important role in modern society. But in my opinion, I only disagree with the statement and the reasons are given below. On the one hand, hosting the Olympic Games is an exciting event and attract numerous people around the world to participate in competitive sports. So the conduct of Olympic Games means a wonderful chance to exhibit a nation’s culture and development to the world. For instance, the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games showed the world China’s development in science and technology, culture and economy, and left a deep impression on may foreign friends. By doing this, the image of the hosting government could improved and hence its international influence could be widened and deepened. On the other hand, the Olympic Games can creating about a huge of economic benefits to the hosting region. For example, the Chinese government has to spend at least two to three years for constructing the relative facilities such as sport centre and residential areas, and all those projects would drive the Beijing economic growth. Actually, investing in sports buildings can not only increase the job opportunities in the architecture industry, but bring diverse business opportunities as well, like the hotel industry, retailing and tourism, which will rise resident’s income and governmental revenue. In conclusion, I firmly commit to the notion that the Olympic Games still play an important role in the current century, because its not only enhance a nation’s economic power, but also a great bridge connects the hosting country and world, which is a vital window presenting their culture and traditions.
The past several decades have witnessed the dramatic development of the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
which have been prevailing globally and enjoying a wide rage of fans.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
insist that the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
no longer play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in modern society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
disagree with the statement and the reasons are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
below.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
is an exciting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
and attract numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
to participate in competitive sports.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the conduct of Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
means a wonderful chance to exhibit a nation’s culture and development to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
For instance
, the Beijing 2008 Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
China’s development in science and technology, culture and economy, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
a deep impression on
The month "May" needs to be capitalized.
may
foreign friends. By doing this, the image of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "improve"
improved
and
hence
its international influence could
be widened
and deepened.

On the other hand
, the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
can creating about
The phrase 'a huge of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a huge of
economic benefits to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
region.
For example
, the Chinese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
spend at least two to three years for constructing the relative facilities such as sport
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
and residential areas, and all those projects would drive the Beijing economic growth. Actually, investing in sports buildings can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increase the job opportunities in the architecture industry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
bring diverse business opportunities
as well
, like the hotel industry, retailing and tourism, which will rise resident’s income and governmental revenue.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
commit to the notion that the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
still
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
century,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
its not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhance a nation’s economic power,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a great bridge connects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
country and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, which is a vital window presenting their culture and traditions.
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IELTS essay Some people say the Olympic Games do not have a role to play in the 21st century. To extent your agree or disagree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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